Happy Valentine’s Day, Happy Shmalentine’s day.
I don’t like Valentine’s day.
Can you tell?
If you are surprised, or appalled even, that’s alright.
I don’t mind.
Just hear me out.
There is a reason I say that – I promise.
(And if you are reading this, saying to yourself, ‘ooo, I don’t either’ – I’d love to know if we align.)
First of all, I say that because I find the holiday WAY too commercialized.
I don’t appreciate all the lines in every restaurant or nook you go in (if you can even get in), I don’t really love the extra price tag on every possible item you would buy the week or two before V day.
And I like spending money on things that matter – I guess I just don’t like being told that THIS is the day I ought to do so.
And beyond that, most importantly, I really don’t like the idea of LOVE being on the forefront of a couple’s mind that particular day.
Because there is an underlying understanding that you do this thing once a year (whatever IT is: buy flowers, get a card, maybe write a card, get dinner in, go eat out, go see a show….) and you’re covered.
Not just once a year you don’t.
Not just because someone else decided that’s when you have to do so.
Terry Real taught me this great line that I use in my office all the time when discussing the idea of dating your spouse.
You may have heard the short of it before: Keep dating your spouse.
Terry’s version of it sounds something like this:
“Three dates a year – His BD, Her BD and your anniversary – ain’t gonna cut it.”
My clients have to do their work to remind me to include Valentine’s day as the fourth occasion that should be on every couple’s radar.
But, depending on who you are and who your spouse is, that day/date may not make it to your list of must-celebrate-occasions.
Now, if you are NOT like me, and you care about Valentine’s day – which, by the way, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that —
What do you enjoy?
Do you have one in mind?
Now, once you formulate it in your head – is this public knowledge or is it just something you hide inside your head and make it part of a hide-and-seek game for your partner to play (whether they are up for games or not)?
In other words, have you shared with each other what your expectations are?
Are you still trying to play your cards just right, with seemingly no success?
If you have trouble coming up with what you would like, think of a time in the past (with this partner or an ex) when you were ecstatic about the outcome of V day.
When everything went JUST as you hoped, dreamed and desired.
Where you wouldn’t have changed a thing.
What are your ideas for this year?
What did you do last year?
Who planned it?
Was it a combined effort or does one of you surprise the other?
Is (or was) Valentine’s day a day to remember in a good or bad way?
What do YOU like to commemorate the occasion?
Do you each have your preferences or are you easy as long as something happens?
Do you like to contribute to this or are you one to sit back and let the other person take over?
Maybe this is your first V Day together – how high are you gonna set the bar?
And I don’t mean that in a mean way – it’s just plain asking where you both stand on the issue and what would you each like to see. Whatever you do, celebrate Valentine’s day with love.
And you may find out that you aren’t all that into this particular day of the year.
And, you may find out otherwise.
You know how I said earlier that I don’t like Valentine’s day?
(And I know I am not the only one) I think this is what it boils down to:
If we are celebrating our love for each other – and last time I checked, that’s what was behind the entire V-Day enterprise – I think it should be Valentine’s day at least once a week.
And you might even agree.
In fact, I may go so far as to say it should really be a daily habit that after a while becomes the new normal.
I am all about special occasions.
I am all about making special days work.
Just figure out if this is a good one for both of you.
And then – make it a good one.
You have less than a week.
PS: Happy Valentine’s Day!