You know the one. Only lately, it’s been happening more and more often.
You’ve tried talking about it — with no success.
You come home from work completely disconnected, not even knowing what to say.
It’s almost as if you were roommates instead of husband and wife.
You know you don’t want a divorce yet imagining more of this makes you want to run for the hills.
TRUST ME. Despite the fact that nobody else is talking about it, the fact is – you are NOT the only ones going through a rough patch and looking for help in couples therapy.
The numbers have been the same for a while and the divorce rate still remains at 50%. What that means for you is this: If you have six couples at your monthly couples’ dinner club, statistically speaking, three of those couples are going through some tough times right now (or have in the past).
All couples go through times when their marriage feels hopeless.
And if you are like most couples out there, you, too, walked away the day of your wedding with no handy-dandy manual explaining in detail what to do when this kind of stuff happens.
Let me assure you of one thing – Having relationship problems is normal. (So much so, in fact, I wrote an entire blog post just on that topic – check it out HERE if you’d like.)
They happen alright – we just don’t talk about it.
Whether it’s been months or years in the making, relationships can, in fact, be repaired. I’ve seen it happen.
I work with couples who struggle with the same fights and I teach them how to stop having arguments and blowups and carry meaningful and productive conversations.
The kind that leave them both feeling heard, understood and cared for.
I help them get to a place where they can find resolution.
Where they want to spend time together again because they don’t have to worry about what’s going to blow up in their faces.
I help them understand their dance and show them what they need to do more of and less of, respectively.
I work a little differently than some other couples therapists out there.
I pride myself in being direct and open about what I see.
I like the matter of fact, no-nonsense approach and my clients appreciate that.
I offer the truth in a way that’s authentic and caring at the same time.
I call things what they are.
I will take sides if sides need to be taken – I might take your side on one issue and your spouse’s on another.
And I do that because I believe that if you want for someone to take your side and just offer you a pat on the back, you would ask your best friend or your mom and dad.
Couples don’t come to see me because they want me to agree with them.
They seek me out because they are looking for an honest and open outside perspective on what is going on in their marriage. They seek me out because they want me to identify their ‘dance’ and tell them what each of them needs to do to change it.
So for me, I would be doing you a dis-service if I were to just do what your friends and family are fully equipped to doing – you don’t need to contract to work with me.
Contrary to how Hollywood portrays the therapy world , I am not just an observant who just sits off to the side, listens and nods all session long.
I don’t wait for you to figure it out.
I have come to believe that if you had it in you to figure out a better way to communicate with your spouse, between the two of you, you would have already done it and made it work.
When I work with couples, I am actively involved in everything we do.
Some sessions, I end up talking more than you because I will be teaching you a new approach to something you have struggled to overcome.
My goal in everything I do is to get you to a place where you can learn what you need to learn, get what you need to get, to be able to do this on your own.
I am in the business of putting myself out of business. And I pride myself in that.
And if I am not doing that, I am not doing my job well.
I don’t want my couples to need me forever. I want you to graduate from therapy one day.
And when that day comes, you will have the skills and the strategies to carry you through for years to come. We will put new systems in place so that you two can succeed in your relationship.
That’s my goal for you.
You two have been miserable long enough. I would love to help you figure out how to get you back on track.
I would love to speak with you and find out what you are looking for help with. I prefer to speak with each one of you separately first to see where you each are. Click the Button above, find a day and time that works for your schedule. I will call the number you provide at the time that you picked and we’ll chat for about 30 min. No need to have anything prepared.
Let’s see if I’d be a good fit for you and your spouse. If you are looking at this page together, make sure you each find a time to speak with me separately. I like to hear from each one of you individually first.
Here is the button again:
If you are looking at this alone, please forward my website to your spouse so that he/she can also find a time to connect with me. I want to make sure I am a good fit for BOTH of you.
That’s a great question. And thank you for asking it. I don’t want to go into too many details here as I have dedicated an entire page to answering your question in detail. Because it’s a question that deserves a good answer. One that will leave you understanding the whats and whys and help you make an informed decision. You can find that answer on my INSURANCE PAGE HERE.
The sessions are 50 min in length. The intake session is usually a 2-3 session intensive depending on what we can make work in our calendar. I meet with couples once a week, at the same time every week (same day, same time) so that you can schedule your social obligations easily around that. My goal in doing that is that by doing that, finding a time that works on an ongoing basis, we make it easier for you.
I initially contract with couples for a minimum of six months – knowing that couples therapy is not a what you would call a 2-3 week fix. And if that’s what you are looking for, then I am not the therapist you are looking for. I remind couples all the time that if you have been working on your ‘dysfunction’ for years, decades even, to have the expectation that we will have all that taken care of and you will be in and out in that short of a period of time is just plain unrealistic.
In other words, for the time that you have been together – that may be two years, twelve or twenty two – you have been perfecting these ways that you are finding do not work and are not giving you what you were hoping for. To expect that you can come in, get ‘fixed’ and get on your way within a month or two is just plain unreasonable in my book. Truth be told, it’s going to take some time — to uncover what those things are, why they don’t work, what you can do differently and get you on your way to using these new strategies.
Again, something that stuck with me since graduate school: I am in the business of putting myself out of business. And if I am not doing that, I am not doing my job well. I want you to come to therapy, I want you to do the work you need to do, get the help that you need. Then I want you to leave my office one day – graduating with honors – and be able to do this marriage thing successfully on your own for years to come.
I want you to be able to talk about those hard things you were unable to unpack together before. I want you to be able to say: We now know how to talk about how we are going to raise our kids together and we are both on board with that. We now know how to bring to the other person’s attention that something they said or did hurt you in this way or that. My hope for you is to make you equipped to do these things, on your own.
As you can imagine, evening openings are what I call the prime real estate and they go fast. I do have more daytime availability than session openings in the evening. At the time that I am editing this (early February – and I will keep this updated to the best of my ability), I only have 2 evening openings so if that’s the time of day that you’d need, please find a time to schedule that phone consultation and we can get the process underway. Please have your spouse do the same so that I can talk to each one of you separately first. If none of the times available in my online scheduler work, please contact me using the form below and we’ll find a time that works for you.
Oftentimes, couples are able to come during their lunch hour, or leave a little early one day a week, or they have flexible schedules where taking some time off in the middle of the day for something of this great of significance is not a problem.
If all this answered your questions, here’s the next thing that you would do.
To see if I’d be a good fit for you and your spouse, schedule an initial phone consultation here. It’s 30 min in length for each – I prefer to speaking with each one of you individually first to make sure that I’d be a good fit for you both.
I look forward to speaking with you both.