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What do you want from your relationship?

 

Relationship? What relationship? Well, I am talking about the relationship that you have with your spouse, your significant other, your lover, boyfriend or fiancé – whichever one applies for you.

Let me guess.

When you look around, it seems like everyone’s got it figured out.

From what you can tell, anyway.

Nobody seems to be losing any sleep over their relationship, right?

Don’t let them fool you.

If I must, I am going to be the one and pop your bubble to say – don’t judge a book by its cover.

Because

  1. Just because they look like they know what they are doing doesn’t mean they actually do.
  2. Just because they make it seem like they are getting all they want to get out of their relationship doesn’t mean that they do.
  3. Last, but not least, just because at one point in their life they thought they knew what they were doing and were getting what they needed to get out of the relationship they were in, does most definitely not mean that that’s the case right now.

 

But, you say, how do people figure it out and I can’t?

It may be time that you stop asking yourself that question  – once and for all.

And I want to help you figure out the answer.

relationship, what do you want from your realtionship?

Right here, right now.

Because, guess what?

Who is to decide what you want from your relationship?

You got it.

YOU.

And nobody else but you.

And the answer matters a great deal.

 

How do you know what you want in your relationship?

 

Sometimes, it’s easiest to look around you, look at the past (both yours and other people’s) and start by simply writing a list.

A list of what? – you ask.

A list of things, both good and bad, semi-good and semi-bad –  that you have seen happen that you knew were going to have to make the cut or others that needed to stay as far away as possible.

You are going to have to sit down, turn everything off (or put on some music that helps you be at peace and concentrate) and think about it for a moment or two.

Or spend a whole Saturday afternoon processing this.

Think about it.

You are going to have to take some time to evaluate what you learned in life.

And then start jotting things down.

Because there is NOBODY else that can provide you with that list as it applies for you.

 

Maybe you divide your page in two – and do the good old-fashioned pros and cons list.

I find that the easiest place to start with a lot of things (like when I was looking for a new office) is to start with the list of things you know you don’t want.

For me, that was easy:

  1. I didn’t want an office with no windows
  2. I didn’t want an office with a shared waiting room
  3. I didn’t want an office where I wouldn’t have the ability to replace certain pieces of furniture/update the space as I deemed professional and necessary (and awesome-looking).

And that’s just the start. I could go on. But you get the point.

 

So, it’s your turn.

Go ahead and start with that.

What do you NOT want in your relationship?

 

What are those things for you?

  • The things that you don’t want in your relationship.
  • The things that you have to put your foot down about.
  • The ones you know you cannot tolerate.
  • The things that maybe initially you thought you could totally take on but experience has taught you otherwise.

Sometimes, we figure out what we want best by realizing and figuring out what it is that we do not want.

You already know what your first two or three are, don’t you…???

Write them down.

And then, keep writing. If you hit a wall, put it down, and come back to it in a day or two.

 

  • What did you particularly like about the way that your parents treated each other?
  • Maybe it was a favorite uncle and the way that he talked to his wife.
  • Growing up in your family or now into your adulthood – What was particularly difficult to watch?
  • What was it about your last relationship that blew up in both of your faces?
  • What was it that you ended up putting down as your “must have” even though it perhaps surprised you?

 

Once you have that part figured out, turn the page over and see what that means about what you actually want in your relationship.

 

What DO you want in your relationship instead?

 

Now it’s time you write those things down.

Do it. I dare you.

 

The secret is this: Once you know that, you know exactly where and what to look for.

And do so shamelessly.

 

And let me tell you one other thing.

There is nobody walking the planet earth that can figure this out for you. (or did I say this already?)

You are the one and only person who has to figure this out on their own. The success of your present (and/or future) relationship depends on it.

So, get to work.

Because who you spend the rest of your life with matters greatly.

And how you do will too.