Do you think you do??
Let me ask you this first:
Who says you want too much from it?
Who is it that’s asking?
Because it’s essentially irrelevant.
Wait – Did I just say it’s irrelevant?
I absolutely did.
It’s really nobody else’s business but yours.
And I am known to say quite the opposite to my couples about just about everything else.
Once you know what you want from your relationship , who is to say that you are asking too much?
Actually, never mind me asking.
It doesn’t really matter who the person is.
It could be the neighbor across the street, your best friend or family member – none of it really matters one bit.
Because of the bottom line.
Wait, what’s the bottom line?
The way I look at it, the only way that you would think you want too much from your relationship is that either
A. You are told you want too much from your relationship (from someone who isn’t willing to give more)
B. You see other relationships that just wouldn’t meet your criteria because of their lack of something or another
Am I right?
Here is why the bottom line matters.
Because the bottom line is this:
If this other person wants less out of their relationship, that’s on them.
If they are satisfied and can be happy with less, that’s just fine.
But just because that’s the case for them doesn’t mean it has to be the case for you.
And just because they are happy with less doesn’t mean you can’t expect or desire more for your own relationship.
And, like I said before, you are the only judge of that.
You are the one walking in your shoes.
You get to do this on your own.
Or with your spouse, likely.
BUT – You get to make this decision for yourself.
And then you sit with it OR you act on it.
This is real.
Real life sort of real.
That’s why we are talking about it.
So, here goes:
–Just because your sister or brother doesn’t care about their significant other’s education doesn’t mean that you can’t be looking for someone with a PhD.
–Just because your best friend is fine with her husband being out of town hunting every weekend doesn’t mean that you have to be.
–Just because your buddy at work doesn’t need occasional PDA from his wife doesn’t mean that you should lower the bar for yourself.
–Just because your parents were used to not talking for weeks after a big fight doesn’t mean that’s something you have to get accustomed to.
Do any of these resonate?
The only two people that matter in this equation is you and your spouse.
And really, when you and your spouse are not in agreement about some of these things, you are the one and the only person who has to figure that out for yourself.
Ain’t nobody coming and doin’ it.
Here’s the good news.
Once you have it figured out, then you know exactly what you are looking for.
And what you are not.
You’ve got to pay attention to this one.
Maybe you should write it down.
There is no. one. right. answer.
That also means – there is no wrong answer.
What you want and what your best friend wants may not align.
And that is just fine.
‘Cause you are not the same people.
And you are bound to want different things.
What you wanted in your relationship a decade ago – or whenever it was that you two first met – may or may NOT be what you are looking for in your relationship now.
That’s not to say that some of it can’t be the same.
Another part of it may need to shift.
Because we change, our relationships change.
And so do our expectations and desires.
What may have worked for you even a year, month or a week ago – might not work today. And if it’s not working anymore, you had better raise your hand and address it.
The better you are able to communicate that to your spouse, the more likely you are to get what you want.
The more of what you both are able to get from each other, the more real and meaningful your relationship will end up being.
So stop looking around.
Stop obsessing and overanalyzing and triple-checking.
Treat the rest of the world is as if it were non-existent.
It’s just you and your spouse.
How good can you make it?!?
(And yes, that is a Dare.)