It was the spring of 2014 when we went to visit my husband’s cousin after she moved into the Twin Cities area from the far west.
Adoring her home, my husband’s jaw dropped when he was absorbing the functionality of her amazing spice rack of a drawer.
Yes, you could say we like to be amazed by simple little things.
Compared to our messy, you-can-hope-you-will-find-what-you-need sort of approach of spices in our kitchen cabinet.
Hers was all that ours was not:
Organized, clean, easy to read and grab, and every bottle was displayed as if that was the only spice jar you were looking to use.
Seeing that look on his face, what did I do?
I made a mental note.
I sort of do that every now and then.
I made a note to myself to say, I know what I am going to do for his birthday.
The practical giver that I am (for better or worse), I set out to look for the spice organizers just like Kelly’s until I found exactly what I was looking for.
I had a plan – purchased a few spice bottles to replace the big ones I knew wouldn’t fit.
And then I did it – Two things in one day – pretended I went to work and worked on this until complete.
Complete with a silver shiny bow on top.
Well, just the other day, I was pulling something out of the oven, and opened the drawer where we keep the oven mitts.
Only to realize, for roughly the 257th time, that the oven mitts were not there.
Because they have been replaced with the spices.
Mind you, it’s been over a year (my husband’s birthday is in July) that we made this change in our kitchen.
As simple as it may seem, we (both) still reach for that drawer when looking for the oven mitts (and other things that used to ‘live’ there).
Again, that is over 365 days later and we are still stuck needing two takes to get what we need.
No matter how many times we laughed, at each other and at ourselves, for having momentary lapses of memory, it still hasn’t helped one bit.
And it’s not even that the new home (for the mitts) is somewhere far, far away.
We moved them into the cabinet – why, yes – right underneath that drawer.
And it still doesn’t seem to be doing us any good.
So we still laugh every now and then and I can’t tell you how many times we both, my hubby & I, jokingly give each other a hard time in disbelief that it happened yet again.
I guess it only makes sense.
The new situation has been in place for over a year.
And while that may seem like a long time, it really is not.
Here is why: I end up having to remind myself that the original location where the oven mittens used to be, they have proudly taken up residence there almost 7 years prior.
That’s what we used to do.
During that entire period of our lives, some 2555 days to be exact, that’s where we reached when pulling stuff out of the oven – be it a loaf of Artisan bread, mushroom & asparagus quiche or a double batch of pumpkin pie.
As it would so happen to a Minneapolis marriage counselor (though I am sure you could insert any other city in there), it’s at least once a week that I’ll have someone ask in my office:
Why is it so hard?
We know what we ought to do, we have practiced it in here, we have given it some thought and time outside of this office and yet, when push comes to shove, we resort to the old (not-well-functioning) choice, as if opening that drawer as opposed to the cabinet.
And every so often, all I end up doing is reminding couples that, as a smart man once pointed it out, routines are hard to break.
And that’s the truth.
Bare, painful, sometimes perhaps a bit pessimistic (or at the very least realistic) truth.
If you have been doing something this way or that, it would be foolish to expect that on your first try you are not only going to remember how to do it right but you are also going to be able to make it happen.
It’s the same thing with riding a bike.
If you had never touched a bike in your life, or better yet, never seen one, and in your thirties or forties tried to learn how to do it, it’s not gonna look pretty the first time around.
If you have always only used your own two feet to get around (or four wheels of some sort), having to sit on this strange contraption with two handles up front and two wheels underneath your entire body, this WILL feel strange.
I can guarantee you that.
Now, that doesn’t mean that you can’t do it, it will just take practice.
And then practice some more.
After months of practicing, you will probably get it down, right?
Or, alternately – if you have learned how to ride a regular bike and then wanted to learn how to ride a different kind of bike, it will take weeks (months maybe even) to accomplish the task with success.
Have you seen the recent video of the guy and his Backwards Brain Bicycle? (If not, you should check it out.)
And the other thing is this: Even when you know and have put into place your new ways that work much better than what you used to resort to in the past, you will have an occurrence or two that I call a relapse.
Yes, you read that right – most, if not all, couples do relapse at one point or another.
Because most couples will have a bad day or week somewhere down the road and will, for one reason or another, not be able to do what they know to do and have done for the last however many months (or years).
And yet, that does NOT mean that they failed.
That all their effort is out the window.
That just means they had a bad morning, afternoon, or an incredibly complicated week.
Often this happens while the couples are still in therapy with me – though I will say, it typically occurs closer to graduation day than to the start date.
Either way, we can talk about it and do all that needs to be done.
I get a constant reminder of this almost every day.
If you are a MPR fan, you will know what I am talking about.
Their line that goes like this: “All music was once new.”
A kind, subtle little reminder.
If you’d like one, just set your radio dial to 99.5.
