We are such a comfortable bunch.
I don’t just mean you and me, just all humanity, really. But – Feel yourself included.
We like to sit in our dark or shiny little corners, do our things and not really be bothered too much.
Heaven forbid that we’d put some effort forth.
If someone asks something from us, we resort to saying – I can’t do that – I have been siting here in my dark (or shiny) corner for so long, that’s what I do.
Sure, you put in effort where you absolutely have to or where you choose to.
The exact same way that you put time in where you think it’s important enough.
Then, when it gets a little tougher, or the going gets rough or the hill all of a sudden got a little too tall, you and I decide that it’s something you cannot do.
We get lazy.
We get overwhelmed.
We get outnumbered.
Whatever it is – But we say that we can’t.
Because the donuts at the office just looked too good – I cannot refuse them!
Because my legs were really sore the next day and I couldn’t make them get me out of bed in the morning!
Because that’s too far to drive out of my way!
When asked to change our ways, when asked to adjust something we are doing or saying, we are ready to push back immediately.
We are ready to come up with an excuse in an instant.
We are ready to follow it up with an elaborate explanation that will knock your socks off.
I can’t talk to the kids the way that you want me to.
I can’t sign up for that race.
I can’t do the dishes before I go to bed.
I am certain you can follow these up with a dozen more at least.
Things you hear from your kids.
Things you overhear at work.
Things that come out of your wife’s or your husband’s mouth.
You wonder why I can be so bold and just call it what it is (as in, BS?)
Because that’s what it is.
It’s not ever a question of Can you do that?
Because the answer to that would be –
Of course you can.
Of course you can lower your voice when you explain to your kids some new rule instead of talking so loud the neighbors across the street can hear you.
Of course you can leave the break room with just coffee in hand.
You can run the race if you set your mind to it and (unless you just broke your hip and the race is in less than a week – then we can talk.)
The question isn’t –CAN YOU?
The question is- Will you?
Will you put in the effort and energy and time necessary to accomplish that?
You can get up once a week 30 min earlier than normal and have coffee with your spouse. Yes, it will mean you remember to set your alarm for that earlier time. Of course you can. But, again, will you?
You can remember your wife’s birthday and plan a little something special. Of course you can. You have been a successful executive for how many years now, running meetings left and right, putting agendas together blindfolded.
Of course you can.
So the question again is not can you – But – will you?
Are willing to take some time out of your day and schedule a reminder on your phone for one month, two weeks and one week prior to her big day?
Are you willing to research activities around town (or out of town) that you and her would have a blast doing together?
Are you willing to call your wife’s admin this week and reserve the lunch hour that day so that you can surprise her at the office with her favorite takeout ever?
It’s not about I can’t.
It’s that you won’t.
And that’s a big difference.
So – sit with that.
And next time you are tempted to utter those two words again, ask yourself again (like I ask out loud in my office just about every other day) — You can’t or you won’t?
And go from there.
