Huh? Easter egg hunt?
And – What does an Easter egg hunt have to do with grown men?
Fear not.
I’m here to tell the tale.
I think we send our men on wild goose chases (or Easter egg hunts – I couldn’t help it. Sorry, not sorry) ALL. THE. TIME.
Are you still staring at the screen, wondering: What are you talking about?
How do we do it?
Just like this:
You probably heard him say this – maybe even this week.
So, he asked a question – What do you need? (or any of the alternatives – I can tell something’s wrong, why are you upset? or – What would you like me to do? or What do you want my help with?
To which you respond, with a level of exasperation in your voice similar to none: How can you NOT know what I need (or why I am upset, or what I would like you to do, what I might want your help with…)???
To which he then responds, even more exasperated:
“If I KNEW, I WOULDN’T BE ASKING!”
Why do we do it?
To be honest, I am not sure.
I think some women will say – I want him to just know.
Or, I want him to just figure it out.
(Which, by the way, is the definition of our ability to read another person’s mind and is the definition of a losing strategy, I’ll have you know.)
I have had one couple tell me over and over – “It’s so frustrating, we have been married for a decade, how does he/she not know?”
As in, have we not learned anything about each other in all this time?
Now, if you need a marker to prove that you know each other well, please don’t make this one it.
Because, the fact is, just because last time after a long day at work, she needed that particular response from you as she walked in the door, that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s what she needs today. There are so many variables to our lives that this would never work.
So, first, it’s that is a losing strategy, like I mentioned in the paragraph above.
The reading someone else’s mind part.
The other problem is this.
What we end up doing, even though we don’t mean to at all, is send them searching the universe for just the right thing that we want or don’t want at that time.
And, really, it’s an impossible task.
Well, maybe not impossible, but it’s a task that – because it includes the H word (HUNT) – will take a long time.
If your request (unspoken as it may be) has any urgency to it, sending your man on an Easter Egg Hunt (or a wild goose chase if that sits better) isn’t gonna be helpful.
He has no idea where to look.
Let’s remember, they are clueless.
They will even say so themselves.
Often times he has no direction as to where he should start even.
Yet, we expect them to know.
Or, we want them to figure it out and do it RIGHT NOW.
So if you are really not interested in him running around the house or yard (literally), of figuratively through the last twenty years of your being together, until they find the magic pill, do yourself a solid and just follow these directions.
It’s so simple a three year old could do it.
And you are going to save yourself the energy of having to say no a dozen times as he runs to you and opens the Easter egg only to have it be filled with the wrong thing.
In the meantime, he is likely to get quite frustrated.
You’ve seen him that way, no doubt.
So what is it, you wanna know?
Simple, you said?
Yeah. Simple alright.
Forget this Easter egg hunt business.
Talk to your man. Tell him what you need/want right at that moment and spell it out so that there is no room for him to misinterpret what you are saying.
Instead of saying: Can you please be nice to me? Say what you actually mean – Can you please not compare me to my mother?
Instead of saying: Can you please be more considerate? Say what you actually mean/want – Next time as we are sitting by the fire, when you go back inside, can you please ask me, too, if I’d like anything from the kitchen?
It’s that simple.
I dare you to try it out once.
It will feel like that day the person discovered sliced bread.
And you will be hooked.
