The Need to Talk about the Holidays

 

 

The holidays have been coming up a lot. At home, in my office, everywhere.

With Thanksgiving behind us, and Christmas and New Years ahead, it’s no wonder really.

 

Talk about the Holidays – The WHY

 

You might be sitting there, thinking to yourself, I dread it already.

If you were to write a book, maybe it would be titled:

The Million Reasons I Hate the Wonderful Time of the Year

So you are not a fan.

You can’t wait for all of it to be over.

I wonder which part.

I wonder what it was you said to yourself (last year or the year before), after it was all over, “I will never let that happen again”.

Do you remember what it was?

What was it that reaaaaally sucked about the holidays last year?

You may not have to think about it for too long.

It might be so front of mind (STILL) that you will have no trouble remembering.

 

Talk about the Holidays – the HOW

 

Now, the question is: How do we make sure that doesn’t happen again?

Here’s how.

But first – first you need to decide that you really want to do this with your spouse.

That you are up for a challenge.

Once you got that, it’s quite simple, really.

Look at your calendar this weekend.

What do you have going on?

Where can you find a 30-45 min window?

Notice, I didn’t say – See IF you can find a 30-45 min window.

Because in most cases, for all of you, it’s WHEN that’s possible, not IF that’s possible.

Once you have that, confirm that it works with your spouse also.

 

Talk about the Holidays – the WHERE

 

Then, if you must, reserve that spot so that nobody else will be using it.

If you must- put a little reserve sign on it like they do at that fancy restaurant you like to go to.

The ‘spot’, as we so fancily called it, can be anywhere.

At the kitchen table. On the couch. Or in your home office. Or on the floor in the family room downstairs because you know you will not disturb anyone there, nor will anyone disturb you.

This goes without saying, but I will say it anyway –

Turn your phones off. Notifications, ringer, the whole shebang.

If you forgot how to do it to the separate apps because it’s been so long since the last time you did that, there is that fancy little button that’s called power some place on the device. Hold that down for a few seconds – that should do it.

Shut the TV off. Oh and please, don’t do that thing where you just put it on mute. Turn it off all the way.

Put the laptops out of reach. And the book you were reading, should that be distracting also.

 

Talk about the Holidays – the WHAT

 

And then –  Talk about the holidays.

Talk about the incident that led you to saying – I will never let this happen ever again – so that you can do something different. And tell your spouse what the different looks like in real life.

Talk about expectations.

Talk about your desires and wants.

Talk about how you don’t want to spend an entire weekend with the extended family. Or your spouse’s best friend and his wife/husband. Talk about shortening that to a couple of hours. Or not doing that at all this year, taking a break instead.

Talk about how you don’t want to invite a hundred people to your house again last minute and have to deal with everyone’s food sensitivity with no warning.

Talk about how much you care about having time, just the two of you.

Or just the two of you and the kids.

Or how much you need a little bit of time for just you. Alone.

Be strategic about it all this year.

Don’t do what you did last year.

Don’t let every neighbor, every colleague or every one of your great aunt Sue’s best friends plan your holidays for you.

They will if you let them and you know it. (So do I.)

It will be so worth it.

I promise you that.

Be proactive. Be strategic. That’s the only way to win.

I get so excited about this stuff, I wrote a blog post about it once already.

With the exception that now, if you do it now, you won’t have to have a laundry list of regrets come January third.

 

Talk about the Holidays – The Challenge

 

You can prevent all that from happening.

If not ALL of it, some of it anyway.

Here’s what I ask of you- This is your challenge.

Well, in addition to having the meeting in the first place, of course.

Once you’ve had the meeting, let me know what you decided.

What’s the ONE THING you two agreed to do differently this year so that it’s not a disaster later?

What are you gonna do to make it go smoother?

Write it down somewhere.

Put it on the calendar.

Make the last Christmas in this decade be better than the ones that preceded it.

And celebrate together somehow.