Backing out of our driveway, leaving for work mid morning, I notice the neighbor standing out in front of his garage, waving at me.
I wave back, smile – we are friendly that way where I live- and say hi .
We’ve mastered the art of lip-reading with this one.
As I am continuing to back out, I realize he is trying to get my attention as he is walking, almost running in my direction. I put the car in park, roll down my window and say hi.
He asks if I have a minute.
Yeah, how can I help you? What do you need?
In response, he asks me if I have a #$@%$%).
I try to be subtle, but all I can say is, do I have a what?
He says it again. #$@%$%) And, again, have no clue.
He might have as well said it in Japanese, which I speak none of.
So I fess up, saying I don’t really know what that is – BUT – if we had one of those things, where would it be?
He begins explaining to me why he needs it, goes on to say – I am trying to help my wife, she has a flat tire and I am trying to put a new tire on her car so she can get to work later. And I need this thing but I can’t find mine.
He then informs me that, usually, if I had one, it’d be by my spare tire in the trunk of my car.
So I grin as I am all excited because I know what that is and I have one of those in my trunk. A spare tire, that is.
So, I offer – Let me pull up, I’ll back it up into your driveway.
I roll up my window, leave him standing there – he did kind of give me a funny look – but I didn’t even realize it happened in the moment.
To tell you the truth, I don’t think I picked up on it – the only thing that did occur to me was I should’ve given him a ride.
All the while, in my head, I am thinking to myself: If he needs it for a tire, this thing must be humongous and probably sort of weighty, too.
Now, you have to know, our neighbor – is a fire-fighter, an ex-marine, he is strong and completely capable, in great shape so none of this has to do with him not being able to do this.
It’s all about me being the good neighbor and serving him well and making it as easy for him as humanly possible.
And, it’s the middle of the winter, this thing’s gotta be huge and I just want to be nice. (Plus, he didn’t have gloves on, or a jacket really – so I wanted to go the extra mile, hence the – why didn’t I think of offering him a ride earlier)
Anyway, I backed up into their driveway, got out of the car, am standing there waiting for him to catch up as he was walking, right?
I pop the trunk, I feel so good about myself, knowing where my spare tire is – He digs in my trunk a little (I can’t say that my trust is always completely empty and ready for this sort of thing), then he pulls out this little instrument that’s literally the size of a big knife.
And I am standing there, embarrassed as all get-out, recapping what had just happened seconds ago, now knowing what to say –
I hear him say – I will bring it by tonight, is that good?
I nod.
I get in my car as quickly as I have ever gotten in my car – because, at this point – I am really not sure what to say, how to save myself – and drive off.
In my head, I am laughing at myself, quietly still.
All the way to work I am sitting behind the wheel, just hoping that nobody will look over because until I pull into the parking lot at my office, I just had to laugh at myself, thinking, he must think I am such a moron that I would, for this item that, with no exaggeration, a five-year old would have been able to pick up and carry anywhere – I pull up to their driveway.
This thing, a kid could carry it no problem because it was smallish, not weighty at all and certainly not chunky – even though in my head it was the size of a car tire — don’t ask me why.
I still don’t remember what it’s called.
Those of you that are into cars and that sort of thing might wonder what is wrong with this woman, how did she survive this long on her own.
In my head, still – It didn’t occur to me, I wasn’t able to connect the dots in terms of that look he gave me AT. ALL.
So when he came to return it, I totally confessed, explained myself and we laughed about it together. He did comment on how that was sort of strange for me to have backed the car up all the way to their driveway.
But hey – he didn’t take offense to it, didn’t take it personally.
It did made me think and realize just how many times that happens where we do something either without all the information we need, OR, with a completely different intention.
Perhaps it’s trying to be helpful, perhaps it’s trying to reach out, give someone an extra hand, when what they are carrying is the size of a tea spoon (sometimes, literally, right?).
Instead of first asking and verifying, sort of, in advance (since we aren’t understanding at all, what the other person is after), speaking totally foreign languages to each other, not getting the point across. Trying and failing immediately after.
Like I said earlier, for all I knew – it could have been in Chinese, Korean or Japanese – and it wouldn’t have made any difference.
But the disconnect is there nevertheless.
I made up in my head what it was, what he was needing help with and just went along, continuing on my way, without stopping and clarifying in the first place.
I could have saved myself that moment of ridicule or shock or embarrassment in the moment that followed.
And laughter – yes.
Not that there is anything wrong with laughter.
Thinking about how often that happens to us – on different levels, on a different scale perhaps, but it happens.
Where we end up going forward with something even though it’s utterly unnecessary, or could have been perceived as rude or insensitive to the person on the receiving end of it.
In my case, it didn’t end up being an issue or a fight because it was all silly, light-hearted with him and I able to laugh it off, but I am aware that not always would that be the case.
Not always would that have been the end result.
So, I am here to tell you that if this ever happens to you, these moments of momentary lapses of judgment, if I can call them that – Here proof for you that:
#1: Know and remind yourselves that you are in good company. This is a marriage expert talking, one who specializes in relationships, right?
#2: Know that most of this stuff can be cleared up in no time.
And, if you can laugh at yourself in the end, and get it squared away, you are doing fantastic.
#3: If you happen to misjudge a situation anytime soon, own your mid-judging it, straighten it out, and you can be on your way.
#goodlucktousall
