Permission Granted

 

 

Today we are talking about this pattern that I’ve noticed.

I’m going to be bold about the numbers because I have been hearing about it over and over and over again.

Chances are, 40-50% of you are sitting in this place.

And when I say sitting in this place, what I mean is this.

Sitting here, as in, in your relationship, in a kind of holding pattern that you’ve been perfecting over time.

A place where you know that there are things you need to – want to – talk about with each other, things you want to bring up to your spouse, things you know that need changing, but you’ve talked yourself out of it because you tell yourself – OH, but we can’t talk about that now.

We already have so much on our plates.

There is so much on the table we are dealing with already, I can’t possibly add another thing to it.

I can’t possibly ask for him/her to change in this way or the other.

Or for us to do something differently. We sort of exhausted all our capacity to doing any of that.

 

Permission Granted – How Long

 

For some of you – it’s been since 2 weeks after the pandemic hit.

For others of you, it’s been the last couple of weeks.

Wherever you fall – the message is – I am going to wait until something normalizes.

Or we are going to get back to – or this is going to be over and then we’ll tackle this.

I don’t know what the ask is.

I don’t know what the change is that you need to see happen.

There may be some of you that may be thinking to themselves – I really need to tell my spouse that I’m no longer able to keep up with making dinner every night of the week.

There are others of you – I am no longer enjoying playing golf with you and your buddies once a week. Or playing card games with the neighbors every other night of the week.

 

Permission Granted – HERE IT IS

 

Whatever the change is – I’d like to give you permission today to stop putting it off.

To stop saying: oh, but when things get normal again. Or when the pandemic is over and done with. Or whatever your condition is that you are putting around it.

Whatever it is you use – if that happens, then we can do this. Then we’ll talk about it.

I want to give you permission to not wait any longer.

You can change things in this environment, the one we are in right now.

You can change things even in the midst of change literally everywhere else.

You can redefine things in your relationship no matter how many outside/inside things are happening.

You don’t have to wait for the perfect time.

There is no perfect day. No perfect morning.

I see this – and I had to say something.

 

Permission Granted – It’s Doable, I Promise

 

Because I don’t want you to be that couple.

The couple that keeps pushing things off and in the meantime keeps sitting in this less-than-ideal situation that you are sitting with, going – but I can’t do it.

Yes.  Yes, you can.

You can do it.

And you can do it now.

You can ask for change. You can ask for adjustments. You can have conversations that you need to have so that you can move one step closer to being in a better place.

So that you can be one step closer to feeling more connected and being on the same page about where you two are, about your household, about organization, about planning, about your kids – about whatever it is. All the things.

You don’t have to wait.

You can ask for improvement. You may ask for redesign. And you can do it now.

 

Don’t Miss This: The Common Mistake & The REAL WHY Behind Writing

 

Now – and we talked about this – don’t ask, don’t pick one evening and then sort of vomit all the twenty five things that have been collecting dust in your mind. ALL the things you want changed. Pick one. Do one at a time. But do do it. (See what I did there with the extra emphasis?)

Do ask for the things so that you can get them.

And for some of you – And this is really what prompted me to talking about this today. I am calling you out (feel free to feel yourselves called out!) .

Some of you, when you will hear me talk about this, will say – oh yeah, I can’t even tell you how many we have going. You already had a list BEFORE the pandemic even started. By March you had twenty five at least already.

Now, not only has there been no movement on that initial list, but there are other things that got added to it because, you know, life happens, right?

And – good heavens – life has been happening in the weirdest of ways this year.

 

 Your Assignment, Should You Choose to Accept It

 

Yet you still — if that’s you — I want you to do one thing tonight.

I want you to pick one of those things, on either list (Pre-Pandemic or since Pandemic – Post-Pandemic is yet to come)

Hear me when I say: You can change things today.

You can change things and ask for things. Ask for change from your spouse.

You don’t need to wait any longer.

If you need to take a minute to go rummaging through the attic & locate the courage, that’s fine.

Take the minute, acknowledge your fear, evaluate the risk and then do it anyway.

And here’s what I am gonna predict – Once you do it once, and say to yourself – “Look at me! I had the guts to that that!” –

You’ll see that it IS indeed possible.

And you are gonna do another, and then another – and then it just keeps happening.

Great things will happen because you are getting to the place you want to be between the two of you.

Don’t keep pushing it off.

It’s worth the momentary discomfort.