Today is going to be the ‘Words of the Wise’ Edition because we’ve not done one in a while.
One of the things I love the most is when in a random book I’m reading the author addresses something marriage-related.
It comes out of nowhere yet it ends up helpful.
Eye-opening even.
Or just plain grand.
Last night, it was me reading a business book by Dean Graziosi and this is what hit me in the face.
Not because it was groundbreaking (I’d been talking this up for years now) but because it was simple and beautiful.
Clearer than the sky.
Here, take a peek.
See for yourself.
“The biggest conflicts between spouses happen when people try to make their own feelings understood, and they never listen to what their partners have to say.
In our minds, we’re going, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, but this is what I think”.
We wait for an opening, and then it’s back to making our point.
Do you want to end conflict?
Then listen.
Enter the internal conversations in other people’s heads.
Let them feel understood.
Then you can unite to solve the problem.”
Now, tell me I’m not right.
This right here – you can take it and run with it.
Get into the habit of catching yourself – and we all do this – when your mind wanders and you offer a less-than-great listening presence to your husband, or your wife.
That is what the difference between listening and not listening looks like.
You can’t (and I don’t care how much you will try to persuade me of your multitasking abilities – we’ve all been lied to) talk and listen at once.
It is impossible to do.
I know I can’t.
We are either doing one or the other.
So stop yourself in your tracks and decide that you are actually going to listen, and set aside those other things that come up while you are trying to listen.
Yes, all the other agendas that are trying to trickle their way into the present conversation you are having.
Literally imagine yourself putting those ideas into a box and setting them aside.
That’s what I do.
It’s what I teach my clients to do.
You could try it, too.
That’s all I’m saying.
