Towards the end of my time with this couple, we reflected on what they have learned, reviewed some of the lessons, and looked at the biggest “pots of gold” they are taking with them as they leave.
Here’s what one of them said, looking back.
“One of the most impactful changes we made together with Danka’s encouragement was to entirely merge our finances.
Moving all of our checking and savings into shared accounts.
This was a very intimidating concept at first and took us a while to implement (what if he judged my spending!? what if she spends all of my money?!) —
but ultimately, I think it was one of the best moves we made together.
Combining checking and savings accounts, and having awareness into each other’s credit cards, 401ks, etc., created transparency that allowed two really important things to happen:
(1) We could meet financial goals together that would have been harder to do individually. We paid off student loans, car loans, etc., faster.
We could see our joint money saving up. And
(2) It allowed us to work on our individual weaknesses (and insecurities) together. My husband is more of a saver and this allowed him to relax a bit when we needed to buy something for our home because it was in the budget. I am more of a spender, and the accountability encouraged me to pause or pass on buying something because I knew we were working on goals together (to save for a trip together, for example).
He could also see my spending, which wasn’t a bad layer of accountability either. 😉
Full awareness and shared accounts felt at first like we were each letting go of control.
But ultimately, it was an important step to gain control over our money.
Instead of making assumptions about each other’s spending or saving, we simply knew and could make better decisions.
My husband (now ex-husband) and I ended up choosing divorce for other reasons, but because of Danka’s help and advice, finances (ironically!) weren’t something we argued about in the end.
I will carry that mentality and practice into a future relationship.”
Please know that it wasn’t easy for them, either.
It took quite a few months – they resisted the idea and the concept for quite a while.
Weren’t ready during session #1 to just jump in with both feet.
But they did it.
And benefitted greatly.
If you’d like to access more material on Money in Marriage, please find it HERE.
