Challah, Chili and Your marriage.
Let me venture to say – I bet you never tried.
Tried what? – you say to yourself.
Make Challah Bread and Chili.
The same night of the week?
Maybe.
In the same bowl?
Likely not.
We all know that wouldn’t work.
The bread would get beyond mushy and the chili would just be – well – weird.
(Truth is, I don’t actually know – ’cause I’ve never done it.)
Yet you keep trying to make the equivalent of that happen at your marriage table.
Throwing “all” the ingredients together and wondering why it doesn’t work.
Having conversations left and right without any forethought.
All willy-nilly.
Unprepared.
Not thought through.
Here’s what it looks like:
Having a conversation about how what one of you did last night was hurtful AND talking about plans for Christmas this year (or next year already).
Sharing with one another something that happened at work or at book club, waiting/hoping for some empathy from your spouse about the mean thing someone said and then ‘mixing’ in a little bit of ‘evaluation’ on the side.
About how they didn’t speak up for you during Thanksgiving at their grandmother’s house.
Making adjustments in how to parent your little one along the side of how one of you isn’t pulling their weight with chores around the house.
Unhappy that they don’t ever notice how you do all the things.
And you don’t see any signs of appreciation for said things.
As if those ever went together.
Throwing all the things in one pot and wondering why the right meal never comes out just like you want it to.
In the end?
You end up disappointed.
Frustrated maybe even.
That they aren’t able to hear you when you talk.
Decide what you’re talking about – just like you would when making dinner.
Pick one.
Either the bread.
Or the chili.
And make that one thing first.
Then, clean the bowl if you need to use the same one.
Let it dry and then use it again.
Talk about just that one thing first.
If it’s more than just chili and bread you’re making tonight, that’s fine.
You may get all the bowls out first if you want.
But – as you use it – just deal with one bowl at a time.
One dish, one part of the meal at a time.
One topic.
One end result.
For this reason.
The moment you question why –
Feel free to remind yourself that nobody was ever able to make challah and chili in the same bowl.
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