If I were to write a book titled the 10 Cardinal Sins of Marriage, chapter 1 would be titled:
STOP.
Calling.
Each.
Other.
Names
!!!!!
For the love of the universe.
Seriously, though.
Stop the name calling.
Some are the REALLY obvious ones.
Those that rarely anyone would ever fight me on.
The ones that, if they were to show up in a TV show, would be bleeped out.
Or, if in writing, they would have a bunch of * after the initial letter.
Or calling each other the S word – when our youngest made us aware that was also a bad word she learned at school several years back – that word was ‘stupid’.
That one, too.
But there is so much more to name-calling than that.
Some of you do it in a ‘cutesy’ way, and you try to get away with it.
When I point it out, you tell me it’s in playful.
I’m not here to tell you that it can’t work.
Or that you need to stop it.
But –
My rule about that is this:
If you don’t BOTH find it cute, if you don’t both smile about it with endearment on your face, TRULY, if you can’t both agree this is the case –
It’s gotta go.
And the fact that just ONE of you is bringing it to my attention the first chance we have to talk tells me that’s not the case in most situations.
So yeah, it’s gotta go.
Here are a few others that are a no-go in my book.
You’re crazy.
You’re so … (fill in all the mental health diagnoses you can come up with.)
You’re so sensitive.
Then it’s – You’re controlling.
You’re mean.
Or, You’re unreliable.
You’re a terrible husband/wife/father/mother.
You’re lazy.
My all-time ‘favorite: You’re ridiculous.
And you’ll even push back by saying to me – But, it’s TRUE.
“I’m just telling them the truth.
Somebody’s gotta tell them, right?”
Whether or not it’s true – is irrelevant.
Hear that again.
The “truth” has got very little to do with this.
The key to a good conversation (and good communication overall for that matter, if that’s what you’re after) is this:
Being able to separate the action from the person.
Which is the exact opposite of calling each other names.
So, on this lovely (in MN it’s a lovely day, truly) Tuesday in November, do yourselves a favor, and get to work on doing away with name-calling.
All of the different versions of it.
Not just one.
No excuses.
There is absolutely no need for them.
Make a commitment today that says:
I am no longer going to call my wife/my husband ________________.
Actually fill in the blank.
And see the beauty that start emerging as part of the aftermath.
For more tips on how to improve YOUR MARRIAGE, click this link.
