You Tell Me You Don’t Have One

 

 

So, you tell me you don’t have one.

One hour each week to come in to meet with me for a session.

Seriously.

I do want to question that — For your sake, not mine.

[Yes, I see my couples once a week.]

Listen to what you are saying.

Just for a second.

We don’t have one hour a week to do this work. 

One hour a week to give a bit of attention to the two of us.

The work that will help keep you from contacting the divorce lawyer if things don’t get better – THAT work.

So I ask again – You don’t?

One hour a week?

Really?

[Side note – if you don’t have one hour a week to come in and do this work – we have a problem. In addition to the problem we already established you have – the one including you and your spouse not getting along all that well.]

Now, I know you are busy.

Everyone’s busy, I get it.

Work, school, kids, hobbies, family, friends, house, dogs, kids’ extra-curriculars – the list goes on.

And what I am talking about is this.

 

You Don’t Have One Hour – TIME STUDY

 

You have to know this.

I’m not here to argue.

You are pushing back because — For some of you – that might actually be the case.

Every hour of day and every week has been claimed.

So – If that’s truly the case – then my question is this:

What are you going to say “NO” to in order to create room for this?

What are you willing to pass up in order to make space and time to get your marriage back on track?

Have you ever done a time study?

It’s the thing people do (oftentimes in business) to see where and how their time is being allocated.

How they are spending their days.

To make sure that they are using this precious resource in the most effective way for what they are accomplishing, with a desire to be most efficient.

It works the same way in personal/family life.

Take one week and note down everything you do every day.

In 10 min increments. (Or 30 min increments, if that seems overwhelming.)

You can do it, your spouse can do it, too.

It’s a little bit of a pain in the behind because it’s tedious – but it’s just for a week (or two).

You can do anything for a week, right?

The insights that it will give you are WELL worth it.

 

You Don’t Have One – Now What?

 

Once you are done, you take a look at what you are seeing.

Analyze it a little bit.

What stands out to you?

How much time are you spending on all the things?

Where are you surprised (appalled even) at how much time you spend/waste there?

When you see the totals, what looks like a total no-brainer in terms energy and time wasted that you can remove really easily and replace with something else?

Is that an area that you are both in agreement on?

Is that something that you could both do, and easily do even?

 

You Don’t Have One Hour – COMMITTMENT

 

I know that asking you to come in every week, for a 50 min session – that’s a lot to ask.

And to commit to doing that for 6 months. (Yes, I know. That’s for another day)

That is a big commitment.

And I am aware that you may need to move things around, or stop participating in something else for a little bit to make room for this.

However, here’s what I also know:

I have YET to see a couple get better together if they don’t ever see each other.

If they don’t ever spend any time together.

If the word ‘priority’ in relation to their marriage – is just a theoretical concept.

No real data to prove it.

There is a saying –

“Tell me how you spend your time, and I’ll tell you what’s important to you.”

 

You Don’t Have One – The Priority Piece 

 

Is the fact that your marriage is a priority to you evident to everyone – including your friends, colleagues and your family? And most importantly – to each other? Is it?

There are one hundred and sixty eight hours in a week.

What’s the percentage that your marriage gets?

Part of what I help my clients do is  helping them get to a place where their relationship IS a priority again.

Like it was once upon a time.

Where you aren’t just barely talking or doing that ‘ships passing through the night’ thing with each other.

That marriage of yours?

It requires care.

It requires attention.

(At some level, you know this.)

What you want in your marriage, the way you talk about it, requires that.

If you are there and READY to make time for your marriage now – schedule an initial phone consultation and let’s chat.

I would love to help you create a marriage that you don’t want to leave. Not now, not later, not ever.

That’s what I do for my couples.

You coming?