I don’t know how we didn’t notice the progress being done.
One day, we came back from church, and it was all completed.
It’s not like the birds decided to do it in the back of the house somewhere we never go.
They built it right here, on top of a light, right outside of our garage.
Visible from our entrance door.
All of a sudden, the nest was just there, and the bird sitting in it.
A few days later, I lifted our youngest up to see if they had already laid their eggs.
There they were, four tiny blue eggs.
Being that it was right outside our garage door, anytime we would leave first thing in the morning, the noise of the garage door would alert the mama bird and she’d fly away.
Anytime we would return.
Anytime we would open the front door, anytime the neighbor kids would come, asking if ours can play.
Whenever I’d open the door to take out the trash, water the plants or go get the mail.
I noticed she was fast, too.
The mama robin that is.
She’d had it all figured out – she’s sit in a way that made it an easy, direct flight to the closest evergreen.
Her tail towards towards our door, the head in the direction of her flight.
Ready – at a moment’s notice.
At the sound of the alert, she would take off.
Right away.
No thinking, no putzing around.
Taking off like she meant it.
It wasn’t always the same tree she’d land on – she’d take turns.
Sometimes it was even the play set out on our yard.
As I observed her doing this, back and forth, the speedy take-off, and landing – it made me think of you.
Not all of you, but some of you for sure.
How you are like that mama bird.
Ready, at a moment’s notice to fly away, so to speak, for fear of a conversation.
When you see your spouse approaching, you take off as if to save your life.
You bolt.
You position yourself in the kitchen, or living room, wherever really – with your nose pointed to the door even the way you are sitting.
Always knowing where the ‘exit sign’ is.
Having thought of an exit plan.
Because the thought of sitting down with your wife, with your husband, makes your skin crawl.
Maybe it’s knowing what the topic of said conversation would be, maybe you just know you are overdue for one.
Either way – You do this thing in your marriage that the momma robin did in the nest.
I would like to invite you to lean in.
To turn away from and stop looking at the door.
Dare I say – maybe even walk towards.
Maybe even initiate.
But at a minimum – stay seated and attempt the conversation.
What’s the worst thing that will happen?
You will need to ask for a break or will need to ask for time to think about something if you don’t know how you see a certain thing.
That’s alright.
Or you might ask for a different time if the conversation that your spouse wants to have with you isn’t what you body and brain can handle right at that moment.
That’s ok, too.
You don’t need to bolt.
Sit with – even if it means sitting with a bit of a discomfort – your wife.
Sit with your husband.
Allow yourself a minute to get comfortable.
There is always a change of course that’s available to both of you, if need be.
So long as you agree on that ahead of time.
Intimacy starts with being able to talk through things.
You running away from it before any of it would even start – before the conversation would even start – even when you convinced yourself that you don’t know what you are doing – isn’t moving you closer to the finish line.
So, when you’re tempted next time, remember that momma robin outside of our garage if it’s helpful – and remind yourself of these 6 words:
I am NOT doing that anymore.
‘Flying away’ is not helpful for my marriage.
I know this now.
I stay put.
And I engage with my wife.
I engage with my husband.
Six simple words.
I am not doing that anymore.
