We are taught how to speak up.
To a degree, I would argue.
I don’t think we do it justice – BUT – at least it’s within our awareness.
How to present, how to talk, how to share our opinions – with our spouse or otherwise.
What we are NOT taught very well – OR at ALL – is how to listen.
And how to listen well in marriage – that comes up even less often.
How to be silent.
And when to do so.
Yes, I mean – When to be silent.
How to use silence for our benefit and the benefit of the people closest to us – again, your spouse included.
When does it work best to just remain quiet?
I found this online and I wonder if YOU agree.
ONE–
When someone tries to tell you how they feel, be quiet.
Listen and take it in.
I show my couples how that’s their one and only job in that situation.
To NOT talk, NOT share, NOT enlighten – It’s to listen.
You set everything else aside.
TWO–
When everyone in the room is talking over each other, also be quiet.
They are too busy sharing their points of view and it won’t register with them.
This is a time for you to learn, to get to know THEM better.
THREE —
When someone won’t let you finish talking, just be quiet.
They just communicated to you that they don’t want to listen anyway.
They don’t want to know you.
Why argue with them?
This just happened to me this weekend again.
When someone asks you a question but they don’t quiet down long enough for you to answer – I’ve found that to definitely be a good course of action.
Because anything else seems to be counter-productive.
I made a deal with myself a long time ago –
If the person asking won’t give you the time of day where they stop and actually let you talk, let you share, where all THEY do is listen while THEY take it in-
That simply means they don’t want to know you.
And I made a deal with myself to not give them any pieces of me.
FOUR–
When you’re searching for an answer to a question or a problem, take time to be quiet and ponder.
Give it the time that it needs AND deserves.
Oftentimes, it’s in the distraction-free zone and in the silence that I’m able to come up with new insights or answers.
Not when there’s so much noise happening all around.
Creating IN the quietness is life-giving.
Creating Quietness itself is life-giving also.
And FIVE–
When you are experiencing a beautiful moment, just be quiet.
Whether this is with someone else, or you just being by yourself.
Your spouse, your kids, whomever.
Take in the beauty.
Take in the miracle that is the thing you are looking at or experiencing.
Which one of these is particularly EASY for you?
Or – Especially hard?
Please know that this skill – The skill of listening to your spouse (or anybody, for that matter) is a skill that can be learned.
Just like you learned how to bake bread at home or clean your windows.
Same thing.
And I teach my couples how.
If you are interested in doing that with your spouse – Learn how to BETTER Communicate with one another, and How to Listen better, I’d love to speak with you.
Here’s the link: Schedule Your Initial Phone Consultation and we’ll talk.
If a skill was ever worth learning – This one certainly IS.
