One of the powerful things that you can do when your spouse has just messed something up—right, they’re like, screwed up in some way—is to take a moment.
The moment that you can look at that and remind yourself that this is an incident, that that’s a standalone thing, and address it in that way, as opposed to making it part of this, right, all of eternity—like, “This is how it’s been. This is how he behaves all the time”—you shift the perspective.
The moment that you can remind yourself, “No, actually, we just had this interaction,” but like, this morning and last night and last weekend, and really all the rest of this week or this month, that has not been the case, you’re being fairer.
The moment that you can keep those two apart and remind yourself that this is an incident on its own so that you can deal with it as such, half the battle is won.
A quick marriage tip for you on this Thursday.
A husband that feels appreciated will always do more than is expected.
Gentlemen, do you agree with me?
If so, I want you to forward this to your wife.
I want to share this.
The only one thing that I would add to this—one tiny little thing—is that I wholeheartedly believe the same goes for us women, for us wives.
Ladies, what do you think?
Because there’s no distinction when it comes to appreciation, right?
And last I checked, we’re all kind of running low.
So I’m wondering if we can do something about that this weekend.
You win.
When was the last time that you obsessed about your marriage?
How long has it been since you’ve given it your all?
And I don’t just mean dabbling a little here and there.
I mean diving all in, right?
Like pushing all the things out of the way and focusing completely on your marriage.
It might feel so foreign to you because it’s been so long.
Maybe even a little scary.
And even still, I want you to give it a try.
What would you need to get out of the way?
Right?
How would you sound?
What would you say?
What would you be doing if that was your focus for a while—your wife, your husband, your marriage?
Make that what you obsess about.
Do it for 90 days.
Do it for a month.
Heck, even for a week.
And then come back and tell me how it went.
How’s your weekend?
Are you enjoying it with your spouse?
How have your weekends been in general?
Are you able to nail it to where you are having a good time together, on the same page, talking about things?
Is it easy to bring stuff up?
Or has it become something where, at the end of Sunday, you’re like, “I can’t wait for Monday,” because it’s been so painful the last 48 hours that you can’t wait for the moment that you split up?
If that’s something that you’re experiencing—I did—and you want help to walk you through how to make this better, how to make it work again, I do have a video.
I’ll put it in the related videos if that’s helpful.
Check it out and get your weekends back on track.
I don’t know which one of you marriage people needs to hear this today.
But that one couple—you know which one, those friends of yours who you look up to, who you secretly envy their marriage—that one.
They are not inherently endowed with a great relationship.
They were not predestined to having this amazing marriage.
And neither are you predestined or endowed with the bad one that you’re in.
This is a common misconception, but it’s simply not the case.
You can—yes, you can—have a great marriage just like they do.
It’s all about thoughtful action, movement in the right direction, and consistency.
You knew I was going to say that.
Nothing happens if you just do it once.
So, as unpopular as that opinion is, it needs to be part of it.
Here’s a marriage tip that’s often overlooked.
And I’m smiling because I just accomplished this yesterday—first time this season—but I made it happen.
My husband loves soccer.
He played growing up.
I used to play also, as a kid.
We played not to compete, not to be great, not whatever—but just for fun.
He likes to play.
And He is really good.
He still plays with us on some, like, adult league team—whatever.
We went and watched him yesterday.
And the joke has become, in the family, he walks in like, “What did you hurt today?”
Right as he comes home and is limping one way or the other.
My question for you is: when was the last time that you went out of your way to cherish something—or some activity—that your spouse cherishes?
And if it’s been a long time, it might be time.
One thing that I have yet to see work really well in long-term, intimate, committed relationships—like that of your marriage—is this.
If you’re a teacher, you showing up as a teacher in your marriage doesn’t work.
Or if you’re an accountant, you showing up with that accountant hat on in your marriage doesn’t work.
If you are a behavioral specialist or coach, you showing up with that hat in your marriage doesn’t work.
If you are a lawyer, if you are a marketing specialist, if you’re a doctor—right—you showing up as that in your marriage isn’t going to work.
I want you to leave the hat in the car or at the door.
Walk through and be the husband.
Be the wife.
And just be that.
