Successful couples plan ahead.
They have a routine.
They’re not caught off guard by, “Oh my gosh, it’s been four months and we’ve barely seen each other.”
If we don’t count you watching me brush my teeth and me watching you take your makeup off at the end of the night.
They make a plan.
“Tuesday nights, we’re having dinner together.”
“Saturday mornings, we take long walks with the dog.”
“Sundays after church, we do brunch.”
Every other week, we invite friends to join.
But on the first and third week of the month, we are being — quote-unquote — selfish.
Because we know that this is good for us.
And it’s important.
Successful couples make a plan.
They don’t leave it up to chance.
A lot of people want to have a great marriage.
But they work late three to four nights a week and then bring their exhausted selves home to their spouse.
They do manage, somehow, to carve out an hour for the gym in the morning.
They find time to go play pickleball.
Or they make sure that they have time to play golf.
They belong to bike rides with their friends on the weekends.
They go out to have drinks with their friends a couple nights a week.
They’ll watch a show that they know their husband or their wife would not appreciate.
Leaving essentially no time, no energy for their spouse.
Surprised that their spouse isn’t excited to see them come home at 9:30 at night — all beat, unpresent, unavailable, and uninterested.
You’ve got to make room for the two of you.
If you keep putting everything else above your marriage on your list of priorities, don’t be surprised that these are the results you’re getting.
This is Marriage Pro Tip Number 27.
I’ve heard this one one too many times.
“She just expects me to know.”
Ladies, consider this my love letter to you.
They don’t.
They can’t.
And they will not ever be able to read your mind.
Take it from me — who’s been there, done that — and I’ve walked with other women in my practice time and time again.
So just ask for what you want.
There’s no need to wait for permission.
And if you are waiting for that — here it is.
I’m handing it to you right now.
Start asking for what you want now.
Number one silent killer of marriages — and no one talks about this.
It’s exactly that.
It’s silence.
Here’s what I mean, and it’s why so many couples, when they walk through my door and hear me say, “I am so happy that you’re still fighting” — they look surprised.
When you’re still fighting, that tells me that you still care.
Because silence kills.
When you two decide — or even just one of you decides — that you’re done bringing all this stuff up that’s not working, you disengage.
At first, just a little bit.
Then a little bit more.
Then a little bit more after that.
And you disengage so much that there are literally no conversations happening at the end — good, bad, or otherwise.
That’s what kills the marriage.
It’s not a “this one fight did us in,” right?
It’s the slow building of silence until there’s nothing left and no point in bringing any of it up.
So if you want to know…
