For all my fellow wives out there — start going on hunting trips of your own.
Don’t make the mistake that I did, waiting until 12 years in with a bunch of resentment built up by then.
Start right away.
Where would you go?
What would you do?
Mine involves the sun, water, long walks, good food, podcasts, a good book, and great company if I can have it.
I’m on mine right now.
When are you planning on going on yours?
Husbands out there — do you go on hunting trips?
Do you go camping with your buddies?
When was the last time that your wife went on a hunting trip of her own?
I want you to encourage her to do that.
It’s going to be good for everybody — her, you, you all as a couple, and you as a family.
I waited 12 years — way too long — to go on my first one.
But I did it, and since then, I’ve been doing it every year.
I encourage you to encourage her.
Tell her to pick a spot — or find different spots every year.
Whichever way, have that conversation with her today.
I tell my people, I am so happy that you got mad.
I am so happy — and we just celebrated the other day.
And I am so glad that you brought this up.
I’m so glad that you’re noticing your emotional response.
That you’re talking about it.
That you brought it up.
All the things.
And we actually dissect it, and we celebrate the emotion.
If you’re one who’s sort of been known to not bring things up, or to suppress your emotions and tell yourself, “Oh, I’m going to figure this out on my own. I don’t need to bring this up to anybody else. This isn’t that important. I don’t need to bug or burden my spouse with this” —
If you’ve been one of those people, and your spouse has no idea how you’re feeling about anything —
I invite you: get mad, or get feeling something — and talk about it.
What would it look like in your marriage if you were to show up?
If you were to share?
If you were to serve your spouse — and do all of that from the heart?
What would that do for your marriage?
What might your marriage look like by the end of this week?
Show up.
Share.
Serve.
Do it from the heart.
If you are not where you want to be with your marriage, there’s no way around it.
There’s going to be work that needs to be done — that you will have to do.
There’s going to be work that they will have to do.
And there are no shortcuts.
We need to get the work done.
Just in case nobody has told you this yet — do you know that the work is worth doing?
Do you know that what you have to put in — the benefits far outweigh the cost or the time that you spend working on it?
Did you know that?
Do you know that the work is worth doing — for your marriage, for your family?
I want you to know that.
For all you married couples out there, I want you to know that you have the freedom to decide whatever rules it is that you’re going to apply in your marriage.
What I mean by that is this:
I just made some muffins.
We decided long ago that we were not going to use that rule — “If I cook, you do the dishes; if you cook, I do the dishes.”
If I cook, I’m doing the dishes.
If my husband cooks, he’s doing the dishes.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
You all can decide all of these things on your own.
If neither one of you cares that the dishes are done for an entire week and they just sit there — that’s fine.
If neither one of you cares about clean windows — that’s fine.
And if neither one of you cares that you have fresh food and you stop by to pick up dinner every night of the week, and your kids eat whatever is here — you get to decide.
You don’t need to compare and contrast with all the other people that you know in your life.
So long as this is something that works for the two of you — keep using it.
