Are your mornings crazy like this?
Are you running into your car, yelling at your kids, only halfway dressed, holding your kids’ things in one hand and their breakfast in the other?
I watched a mom do this this morning while I was on my walk, and man, I felt for her.
Are y’all constantly running late, doing this, missing the bus?
The kids are getting tardies because it’s impossible to get them there.
Let me guess—the same thing is happening at dinner time and in the afternoons?
Yeah.
I am so sorry, because it’s not fun.
The good news is there’s a solution: Family Conference.
You plan ahead.
You talk through stuff.
The kids know what’s going to happen.
You both know what’s going to happen.
And then you go with the plan in peace.
Imagine that.
Nobody’s losing their mind every morning.
Nobody’s panicking left and right.
None of that is happening.
Just plan and peace.
And if you’re thinking to yourself, “We must have been sick the day they taught that in school,” well—they didn’t teach that in school.
So if you want the details on this, learn it together.
It’s literally life-changing.
If you have not yet started talking about what you’re doing for the holidays—you and your spouse—what are you doing?
It’s November 8th.
I hit the record today with a couple that came in mid-August, and we started then talking about Christmas and Thanksgiving—the whole nine yards.
So it’s never too early.
But there is such a thing as being too late.
I don’t want you to get to that place.
So whatever you have to do—and maybe it’s this weekend—you sit down.
Talk about what you want to do.
Where you want to do it.
Who you want to do it with.
How you want to go about getting all that done.
Have the conversation.
Because not having it isn’t going to be helpful to anybody.
Here’s a nugget for your marriage from a book that I read some time ago.
By creating his signature tool that he calls “The Core Four,” Sean explains how simple the work-life balance is now that he’s figured it out.
Here’s the quote:
“Passion.
I’m going to leave a note by the coffee pot.
I’m going to send a text to her at 11:00 a.m.
I set the alarm on my phone to remember.
Then we have date night, which means I’ve already called the sitter and made the dinner reservation at 7:00 p.m.
Every single day, seven days a week, I have a plan.
Just specific and deliberate action every single day.
Mad at my wife?
Doesn’t matter.
I’m sending a text that day too.”
As someone who specializes in helping couples create better marriages, this makes me giddy.
So you do with that information what you will.
Listen.
You can totally tell your kids that they’re not invited when you want to go do something just the two of you.
And I’m talking especially if your kids are adult children that, for whatever reason, moved back into the house or haven’t moved out yet.
And not that they’re right—that you invite them and then you uninvite them.
I’m talking about, like, “This is what your mom and I” or “your dad and I are doing this on our own.”
And you’re not invited.
That’s okay to do.
And you don’t have to explain to them how this is going to benefit them.
You don’t have to go into depth about how this is the best gift that you can give them—right?—for the two of you to be getting along together better.
You don’t have to go into any of those details.
And you don’t have to tell them how they’re going to learn and hopefully adopt that later—right?
Consciously or subconsciously—the thing that they see you two doing.
None of that you have to explain to them.
You just say, “You are not invited.”
And that’s okay.
We’ll see you here when we get back from dinner.
There are obviously bad times for you and your spouse to have a conversation.
But they must not be obvious enough, because you keep breaking them.
I keep seeing it left and right.
You start talking to one another when one of you is not the morning person—like somebody else I know.
Everybody in my family knows: do not approach until she’s had two cups of coffee.
We don’t have any serious decision-making conversations before I’ve had my coffee and before I’ve been up at least for two hours.
It’s obviously not a good time if somebody is just about to leave the house.
Right—like holding on to all their things—and you are about to start a conversation then?
Terrible timing.
And especially if they’re already running five minutes behind.
For you to start a conversation then?
Terrible.
That is not the time.
That is one of those obvious times that we’re not to use.
Here’s a quick encouragement for your marriage on this lovely November day.
Take charge of your couple time.
Take charge of your marriage time.
You know why?
If you don’t, someone or something else will.
If you don’t watch where the time—where the energy—is going, you will find yourself with someone or something coming in, swooping in, and taking whatever is available.
Whatever’s left over for them to take.
This is a precious commodity.
One of the most precious ones.
Treat it as such.
