I know, I know —
December is a busy month – BUSIEST, AM I RIGHT?
That’s why I have SIX Quick minutes of marriage advice you can watch and bring into your marriage during this crazy holiday season.
Make it less stressful with these tips.
Whether you’re feeling disconnected, or you have family coming to town and you don’t know what to do about that – You’ll find a quick little tip here.
“When you don’t keep looking back, it’s that much easier not to trip and fall.
It’s a quote I read from a book I’m reading just the other day and I offered it to a couple just last night because:
They’ve noticed themselves looking back and revisiting the past, revisiting the past again, and doing that over and over again.
And noticed that’s what they were doing.
And I pointed out how that wasn’t serving them.
Sometimes we get stuck in looking back at what was happening in the past, explaining our behavior away or –
Pointing to the past as it explains why we are where we are.
As you look in the past – it’s HARD to not trip and fall.
How do you guarantee that your spouse will never want anybody else’s number, will want you all to themselves, and will love it when you are around:
The exact same way I did with my babysitting families.
And I had no idea back then that it was gonna result in this when I first started.
But they loved me, they never wanted to let me go, they refused to give my number to anybody else looking for a sitter.
You go above and beyond with how you show up, leaving the place – and their kids – better than you found them.
And – Please know – I wasn’t painting their walls.
None of that.
So How do you do that in your marriage?
Going above and beyond?
It’s You no longer waiting for the your spouse to take the first step.
Not in the tit-for-tat kind of way, either, right?
Not – I am going to do this, so that later you do something else for me.
But in a – I’m just gonna do this.
Period.
Full stop.
End of story.
I’m doing this for YOU.
This has nothing to do with me other than the fact that I’m the one doing it.
What would your marriage look like?
If you changed the way that you approach that one piece?
Because that is exactly how You guarantee that.
This is a funny piece of marriage advice but it’s only funny until it’s not.
So many marriage fights can be prevented if you all just listened to this one.
If you are married – this one’s for you.
Been married five years? This one’s for you.
If you’ve been married 15, 30, 35, 45 years – this one’s for you.
If you can’t see me, don’t talk to me.
I’ll say it again – if you can’t see me, don’t talk to me.
Y’all will try to have SO many conversations yelling up and down the stairs, yelling into the basement, into the garage –
Assuming that they can hear you.
The other person has NO idea that you are even talking to them.
SO:
Do yourselves a huge favor and just stop.
For real though — If you can’t see me, don’t talk to me.
I’m gonna make that vow to my spouse.
I invite you to make that same vow to yours.
There’s literally no need for this in this day and age.
Like, NONE.
Remind yourselves, remind each other and carry on.
Oh, and tell your kids.
If you are married to somebody from a different culture just like I am,
From a different country, speaking a different language, this is what I recommend that you do:
Agree ahead of time and talk about it ahead of time – with enough time in between –
But ask each other the question:
Which one of the traditions that you grew up with do we want to make sure that it makes an appearance this year?
Whether we made it happen over the last 10 years or not –
What is it that would be really important?
Ask that of your spouse.
And especially if they are the ones that are NOT living in the country that you two reside in.
What is it that would be really significant for you?
Which one of the traditions that you grew up with would you want to make happen?
In our family.
Here.
Now.
I want you to encourage – I want you to Initiate it and do it before it’s too late.
Here’s why I keep saying to my couples:
“Forget your Feelings.”
On a beautiful day like today with snow coming down for the last 24 hours, trust me when I tell you this is not what I was looking forward to doing.
This was not the plan today.
Just a lovely sunny day outside – can you see my breath?
-7’C (
So here I am, for the third time.
One of the things we don’t have control over is when God decides to send snow down.
But – He gets to do that – ‘cause He’s God.
Here’s what I was working on, two – three times a charm.
Trust me when I say I did NOT feel like doing that today.
But here I am – doing it –
Because I hate more the possibility of getting stuck getting out of here than I hate being out here.
The same thing goes for your marriage.
And I invite you to do it.
Do the thing for your husband.
Do the thing for your wife.
Even if you don’t feel like it – do it anyway.
The payout may not be immediate but it will be worthwhile.
So you have family coming into town and you’re freaking out a little.
You already know what they are gonna say because they’ve said it before.
They’ve done this in the past.
And it’s gonna be some combination of:
“Oooof, I don’t like that – that rug doesn’t look good.”
Or
“Those kitchen cabinets – you should have done something different.”
AND – Because you know it’s already coming, you’re gonna be ready this time.
Here’s why:
They can say whatever the heck they want to say.
We’re not gonna be able to stop them, right?
We can ask them politely, but they’re going to make up their mind and do whatever it is they’re going to do anyway.
But here’s the four words that I want to leave you with:
“With all due respect…”
Say it with me:
“With all due respect, mom, this is what we chose and we really love it.”
“With all due respect, aunt Betty, we really enjoy the space just the way it is.”
It’s you still showing up being kind and just gently reminding them:
This is OUR home, this is our space.
This is how we like it.
Now, you two go practice before they show up.
