Strengthen Your Marriage This February

MARRIAGE Laughs (Daily Dose)

Are you a married woman like me?

Please help me out.

Something came up yesterday during a session with a couple in my office.

Then I brought it home to my husband of 18 years—to see if my hubby was as clueless as this husband that was sitting in here on this couch.

So I asked him, as we are getting ready for bed, “What’s a level three shower? Do you know?”

As soon as it came out of my mouth, he busts out laughing, saying, “I don’t believe you.

You’re making this up.

This CANNOT be real.

Who would ever invent such a thing as a Level Three shower?

This is one of your tricks you’re pulling again, and we’re gonna laugh about it ten minutes from now when you confess that it’s made up.”

So I walk him through it, as any loving wife would—the different levels.

And he’s laughing hysterically as we are getting into bed because he can’t bring himself to believe that I’m just making this up.

So, I need you to help me, I beg you: Would you leave a comment below that says, “Yes, it’s a thing,” or “Level 3 shower absolutely is a thing”?

I DESPERATELY need proof to bring back to my husband to show him that this is NOT made up FOR REAL and that I’m not just pulling this out of my behind.

Oh—and if you’re the husband and you know what a Level Three shower is, please do me a favor: leave a comment below also, so that he can see that there are men, that there are husbands out there that know how this works.

Thank you!

Anxiety’s HIDDEN Triggers

Are you finding yourself more anxious lately than you normally have been?

I’ve noticed with my couples and also with my anxiety coaching clients that they are having a harder time right now.

I noticed a trend.

As we dug in a little and did a bit of investigating, inevitably, it comes out that they are reading or watching the news first thing in the morning.

We all know by now, and have seen the research, of how terrible even being on social media is first thing in the morning—when you do it the moment that you open your eyes.

And I’d put watching the news right up there with it—or even above it.

Some of them also admit that they have the TV going in the background, sort of as background music., you end up feeding your brain with all this “yuck” all day long.

And the last one is reading or watching the news right before going to bed.

And then, being faced with not being able to fall asleep, having your mind racing like crazy, or waking up in the middle of the night for what seems like no apparent reason.

If this is you—at a minimum, stop watching and/or reading the news first thing in the morning or last thing before you go to bed.

Better yet, depending on how bothersome or crippling your anxiety has been, give yourself a week or two, or a month even.

Take the news out of the picture altogether and see for yourself the difference that it will make.

And if you’re sitting there going, “But I can’t possibly just not watch the news. I can’t not know what’s happening, right? How would I go that long detoxing from this and not having a clue what’s happening in the world?”

Here’s what I’ve done.

I made a pact—make a pact with your husband, make a pact with a best friend or a family member to say: “Hey, if there’s anything—this is what I am doing—I’m trying to do this—if you find that there is something MAJOR, life-changing happening in the world that I HAVE to know about, would you let me know, please?”

And they will.

So, give that a try and see for yourself how transformative this can be.

Are WE the LAST Ones?

It’s February 1st, and guess what?

A Christmas tree is still up. Yep, I said it.

And apparently, we’re not alone.

This week, I was talking with a couple in my practice, and in the middle of our conversation, they fessed up too.

Their tree is still standing proud.

Apparently, they’ve had a fight or two about it because one of them was convinced that it should have been out a month ago.

I blamed our kids.

We’ve attempted—and this is true—we’ve attempted to do it on two separate Sundays, and they just talked us out of it.

You know what happened next?

We made a pact.

I made a pact with my clients.

We shook hands. Okay, not really, we were on a Zoom call, but we should have.

And agreed that this is the weekend—no excuses, the trees are coming down.

Their house, our house, both gone.

Honestly, at this point, it’s less about any Christmas cheer and more about sheer bragging rights.

Right? Like, we’ve made it this far, we’ve got to be the last ones.

But I bet we’re not.

But anyway, it’s time.

It’s happening this weekend.

So, tell me, is your tree still up?

And if it is, do you want to join the gang and be added to the pact?

We can make a deal.

You drop a tree emoji in the comments, and we’ll do this together.

No judgment, really.

Trust me.

But I think our living rooms have been overtaken long enough.

Are you in?

Texts GUARANTEED to Strengthen MARRIAGE

If you’re ever finding yourself tempted to text your spouse during the day, did you ever regret it afterwards?

Here’s the rubric that I go by—one that I’ve used myself in my 18-year-old marriage.

Yes, our marriage is an adult now.

And one that I’ve used with hundreds of couples in my practice over the years.

I’ve said this a hundred times, and I will say it a hundred more:

Do not text important conversation matters that are not meant for a texting conversation.

We abuse the crud out of text messaging.

It was not designed for this.

Let’s stop the misuse and use it for what it was meant to be.

I just sent my husband a text message.

He inspired what I made myself for lunch—a grilled cheese sandwich.

He came home last night (or the night before) after being at work late, and it was like, “I don’t even want any of the stuff that you had made,”
even though I had made some chicken and mashed potatoes and what have you.

But he’s like, “I’ve been craving a grilled cheese sandwich all day.”

So he made himself one.

I sent him a text message, and I said, “Hey, having lunch inspired by you. XOXO.”

Then I sent him a picture.

He sends me a picture right back.

He says, “Nice shirt,” and sends me a picture back to show that we were matching.

We were wearing, unbeknownst to me, the same sweatshirt for the girls’ track team.

That is what I allow text messaging for:

That, and “Are you stopping by Target? Can you get this?”

“I’m stopping by Costco. Do you want anything that’s not on the list already?”

“I’m going to the grocery store. I’m stopping by the post office.”

Whatever the quick 10 words or less.

Otherwise, call him. Call her.

Have a conversation at home.

Do not text about it.

If you can make it heartwarming, do it.

Or if it’s something thoughtful, send it.

If it’s something that will make them smile, send it.

And if it’s something that will make them realize that you’re thinking of them, and caring for them and appreciating them in one way or another during your day,
just as you go about your business, send it.

Those kinds of text messages are allowed and encouraged all day long.

COUPLES – Stop ARGUING Over THIS

Are you and your spouse having a heck of a time deciding where to go when it’s time for date night on Friday night?

If this is you, here’s what I’d recommend.

Here’s what I do.

Here’s what so many couples have used and thanked me for profusely.

You batch it.

Sit down one time, you write down all the different places.

You do the research, you write down all the different restaurants that you want to try out.

This is exactly how you eliminate indecision, decision fatigue, all of it.

If you’re looking for different ethnic food, you put those down.

If you have some favorite spots that you want to add into the mix, you put those down.

You write them down.

You write 12 down.

Each one of you comes up with six.

Then you put them in a little bucket or in a little bowl that lives somewhere in your cabinets or in your china hutch.

Then, when it’s time to go, you’ve eliminated this step.

All you need to do is pick one of those things.

Pick one of those little pieces of paper, and you know exactly where you’re going for dinner.

And if you do it this way, you’re set for 12 weeks straight.

You don’t have to do it again.

It’s just that easy.

Try that out and tell me how that goes.

And if you’d like to have more ideas for how to make sure that you two find time to spend together on a more consistent and more predictable basis,
subscribe to this channel.

I talk about this kind of stuff all the time.

I’ll see you in the next video.

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