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That’s what I’m calling habit number nine for a strong relationship: reach out.
Just because.
Not because it’s date night.
And not because it’s y’all’s anniversary.
Not because it’s somebody’s birthday.
This is when you just reach out just because.
You send the text.
And you give each other a hug.
You write a little note that says, “Hey, I was just thinking about you.”
Why does this matter?
Because it’s the small, random gestures that keep the connection alive.
They say, without you needing to say as much, “You still matter to me right here, right now, right where we are.”
You used to do this all the time when you first got together, remember?
We all did.
Don’t worry.
We just need to get back to that.
Reach out to the one you married.
Reach out to the one you love.
Just because.
I don’t know who did this.
But this is one of my all-time favorite things to come home to.
A clean, picked-up kitchen.
Where there’s no stuff on the islands.
No stuff on the stove.
Everything is like where it’s supposed to be.
And you bet I’m sending a text message right away.
‘Cause I got to find out if it was the kids, or if it was the husband, or all of them.
Which, either way, it doesn’t even matter.
‘Cause I love it anyway.
What’s your favorite?
Protect it like your life depends on it.
In a world that constantly pulls your attention in every direction, sacred time protects your connection.
It says, “This relationship—what you and I have—matters enough to me to schedule it. It matters enough that I make time for it.”
And whether it’s 10 minutes a day or it’s an hour a week, this consistent, intentional time together is what strengthens intimacy and keeps couples rooted.
Which is why I say habit number 10 for a strong relationship: create sacred time just for the two of you.
Not shared with the kids.
And Not distracted by the phones.
Not squeezed between one meeting and another.
Just the two of you.
Why?
Because what you don’t protect with your time, you’ll slowly start to lose.
And you may already be losing.
You may already be there.
And if that’s where you are, you know that I’m right.
Sacred time keeps you rooted.
It keeps you focused, connected, intentional.
Time is always tight in life and in marriage.
Am I right?
Work, kids, life—it all adds up.
So let’s talk about something I call stacking.
It’s when you do two important things at the same time, and one of them purposely benefits your marriage.
This is what it looks like.
You are already driving home from work.
You’re going to pop in a marriage podcast or an audiobook.
Listen to the same chapter and then talk about it later together with your spouse.
That’s a stack.
You walk the dogs anyway.
Invite your spouse along.
Now it’s exercise, dog time, and quality time.
Triple stack.
We do this one quite a bit, although the dogs are only part of it when we’re dog-sitting for some friends.
Cooking dinner?
Pour a drink for the both of you and catch up while you prep.
Need to do a Costco run?
Make it a date.
We do that one quite a bit, and it totally counts.
Yes, you could just have one of you go and take care of it.
I know.
But this way, you have the time on the way there.
You have the time in the store.
And you have the time on the way back.
So now I’m curious—how do you stack in your marriage?
If you’re one who is already doing this, I want to hear from you.
Let me know what that looks like in your relationship in the comments.
Do you have ways to triple stack?
Quadruple stack?
I’ve got to know.
And I’m going to share it with more couples so that they can do it too.
This might be why your marriage feels off and has for the last who knows how long.
It’s not that you’re failing in your marriage.
It’s just that you’re running on empty.
And no, I don’t mean that you’re both messing up in a million different kinds of ways.
But I do mean you don’t do what you need to do for you.
You doing that—it’s how you show up well in your relationship.
How you show up well in your marriage.
For me, I know what happens when I do this.
When I neglect it though, my husband gets the leftovers.
Right?
He gets the drained me.
The short-tempered me.
And trust me, I run out of all the goodwill.
Not on purpose.
But I’m just all used up.
Right?
He—and our kids most often as well—get the “I’m just here trying to survive” version of me.
But when I prioritize all those things, I end up recharging us.
Right?
Him and I.
Not just me.
I’m doing the “hitting two birds with one stone.”
So when someone asked me recently, “Does individual self-care matter in an intimate relationship? What role does it play?”
I’ll be honest—I was a little taken aback.
So I break this down in the full video.
Go watch it.
You’ll see exactly what I mean.
You don’t have an extraordinary marriage because you treat it like you do the rest of your life.
Which is, you’re just kind of scraping by with all the things.
In order for your marriage to be extraordinary, you’re going to have to be willing to do something extra.
You can’t have extra by just doing the ordinary.
