Okay, so marriage stacking sounds great.
But what if you’ve got kids around 24/7?
Totally get it. Here’s the trick: you include them, and then carve out space with each other inside the chaos.
While the kids are doing homework or bath time—assuming that they’re old enough to be in the tub alone—or during quiet playtime after lunch if they no longer nap, you and your spouse fold all the laundry and catch up.
Are you making dinner with the kids? Use that time to prep and check in with each other.
We’ve even trained our kids to know when we say, “Hey, this is mom and dad talk time,” they know not to interrupt unless someone’s bleeding or on fire.
I know it sometimes seems like it’s not, but marriage stacking is still possible, even in the midst of the noise.
You just have to get a little creative, but it’s doable.
And if you’re having a hard time coming up with ideas of your own, give these ones a try to start—and let me know what other ideas you come up with after.
How do you stay connected when the kids are always around?
Let me know in the comments. I’m going to read every single one.
I just had a couple in here, and I said to them at one point, “Write this down.”
So y’all can write this down too.
Appreciation breeds appreciation.
I’ll say that again: appreciation breeds appreciation.
No matter how many times you think to yourself, “Oh no, they know that I love all the things that they do. Oh no, they know that I appreciate all the ways that they show up for the family—all the laundry they take care of, all the meals and all the dishes they clean, and all the rides they give to the kids halfway across town, and all the work trips that I take so that we can provide for them, and, and, and…”
Every time that you think they already know—they don’t.
The moment that you start—and it doesn’t really matter which one of you will start, right?
The moment that one of you starts on this train, there’s no stopping you two.
It literally—it’s like contagious.
So if you don’t believe me, try it out for yourself.
And then come back and tell me I was right.
You’re welcome.
You’re not growing apart.
You’re just not growing together.
Life gets busy.
I get it.
Schedules get full—even more.
But couples who stay close, they grow on purpose.
They ask this question: What are we working on together?
What are we learning together?
What are we thinking about, planning, processing, creating—together?
You don’t need a five-year plan.
Just one shared next step.
So if you feel distance with your husband, with your wife—start growing in the same direction.
And see what happens.
Happily married—oh, I hate that phrase.
Why?
Because it sets people like you and me—the married folk—it sets us up for a fantasy, not a marriage reality check.
A happy marriage doesn’t mean that you’re always happy.
It doesn’t mean that there’s no conflict, no frustration, no mess.
Yeah, sometimes marriage smells like roses.
But sometimes it smells like dirty diapers and morning breath.
That’s all real.
So what do I want?
A healthy marriage.
A real marriage.
Where we grow.
We get to mess up.
And we say sorry to one another.
We fight.
And then we choose one another—even when we’re not feeling happy.
So no, I don’t want a happy marriage.
Not for you.
Not for me.
Because it’s not real.
Call me crazy, but I want a deep, honest, connected one.
And guess what?
That’s way better.
How many times have you heard your parents say to one another, “The tone”?
Watch your tone.
It’s the tone, right?
It’s not what you’re saying—it’s your tone.
This is why I say habit number 13 for a strong relationship: do check your tone.
Not just your words.
Your words say one thing; your tone says another.
If they don’t match up, your spouse won’t be able to hear it.
Why does it matter?
Because when there’s discrepancy between the what and the how—the tone and the words—whether you know this or not, you’re no longer building trust with one another.
You are actually breaking it in the process.
So speak with kindness.
Say it in the way that you’d want it said to you.
You know the one conversation that you’re avoiding in your marriage?
It’s not about sex.
Not money.
Not even the kids.
It’s the one that starts with these four words: Are we actually okay?
Why is it so hard?
Because it might open that can of worms.
But guess what?
Avoiding it costs more.
That silence—it creates distance.
So if you’ve been wondering, just ask.
That’s how healing starts.
