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Tips to Make Your Marriage Exceptional
Marriage Bomb: THIS Changes EVERYTHING
I had a couple sitting across from me.
The standoff mode—you know the one.
Neither one wanted to go first, to soften.
So I said, “Look, one of you has to go first. Why not you?”
Going first doesn’t mean that you were wrong.
It doesn’t mean that you lost.
It just means that you’re the one that’s choosing connection over your own ego.
Choosing repair over resentment.
And you’d be shocked at how often the other person will meet you halfway once you make the move.
Someone has to go first.
Might as well be the one who sees value in connection.
And if that’s you, then like—way to go.
You’re already leading your relationship.
Leading your marriage forward.
Vulnerability in Marriage Be Like…
People always ask me, “What is vulnerability though, in real life?”
Here’s what it looks like—as real as it gets.
It’s you admitting to your spouse that when they’re traveling, or if they’re gone for a long time, or if they have many trips in a month over and over, right—
And you get these tiny little windows of time together—
It’s you admitting to them and saying out loud:
“I miss you when you’re gone, and I really want to see you.
I really wish that we could spend more time together.
I’ve missed our time.
I’ve missed our dates.
Or I’ve missed our walks.
I’ve missed our bedtime shenanigans.
I miss you.”
That’s being vulnerable.
That’s showing your heart.
Talk about wearing your sleeve on your arm—like, that’s what it is.
You saying that out loud to your spouse, as long as it’s true.
You saying that to your spouse.
Try that on.
Let me know how it goes.
Marriage: Don’t Confuse THIS
Think movie night counts as a date?
It doesn’t—unless you’re actually connecting either before or afterwards.
Not just watching the movie.
Sitting in the same room isn’t the same thing as being present.
Movie nights are great, but don’t confuse them for emotional connection.
So next time, watch the movie, but talk first.
That’s the difference.
Do you know what else doesn’t count as time alone together?
Watch the related video.
Marriage? Exceptional? YES, PLEASE
If you want an exceptional marriage, you will not look like everyone else.
Obviously, you’ll be doing things that none of your friends are doing.
You’ll be the couple doing therapy or coaching.
You’re going to go to a marriage weekend.
You will be having the hard conversations.
Leaving the work party early because—date night with the wife.
Setting boundaries that other people roll their eyes over.
And yeah, you might feel different.
Because you are.
And you’ve got to be able to remind yourself of this:
It’s because I’m building something rare.
And rare things don’t follow the crowd.
Become THAT Couple
And of course, once you start behaving differently over a long period of time, that will become the person that you are.
That will become the husband.
The wife.
You will become a different couple as a result.
So it’s all tied in.
But it starts simply with finding the way that you need to start behaving in a different way.
And catching it sooner than you did the last time.
That’s improvement.
That’s movement in the right direction.
So I’m cheering you on.
For reals.
Stop Taking THEIR Marriage Advice
If you keep talking about your marriage to people who have gotten a divorce once or twice, or are in the process of doing that right now, you can’t be surprised.
That’s the only point of view that you’re seeing.
You can’t be surprised.
That’s the only kind of feedback that you’re going to get.
The only way to look at your marriage, and the only way to get out of this painful place that you’re both in, if that’s not what you’re going after…
Who do you need to go talk to instead?
Think of one such person, one such couple, and reach out to them instead.
Is It Worth It?
Reason number 375, as presented by a couple that I work with, of why doing marriage coaching or marriage counseling is worth it:
You’re normalizing therapy and coaching for your kids.
