If you’re ever finding yourself tempted to text your spouse during the day, did you ever regret it afterward?
Here’s the rubric that I go by.
One that I’ve used myself in my 18-year-old marriage.
Yes, our marriage is an adult now.
And one that I’ve used with hundreds of couples in my practice over the years.
I’ve said this a hundred times, and I will say it a hundred more.
Do not text important conversation matters.
That is not meant for a texting conversation.
We abuse the crud out of text messaging.
It was not designed for this.
Let’s stop the abuse and use it for what it was meant to.
If your marriage doesn’t feel happy all the time, that doesn’t mean that it’s broken.
It might just mean that it’s real.
The phrase “happily married” sets up so many couples to fail.
Because the moment that things get hard, we think that we’ve done something wrong.
But what if the struggle is part of what makes it strong?
I just posted a brand new video today.
It’s all about why I hate the phrase “happily married” and what I believe in instead.
You will definitely feel seen.
Feeling alone in your marriage doesn’t always mean it’s broken.
Sometimes it just means that you are in transition.
You’re not who you were, and your relationship isn’t either.
And that in-between space—it can feel lonely.
But hear me: that’s also where the deepest growth happens.
There’s fewer distractions.
More clarity.
More space to become who you both need to be next.
You’re not out of sync.
You’re evolving.
And evolution feels weird before it feels worth it.
I just spent the last couple of hours getting the next video ready for this week.
Do you and your spouse actually know what the things are that you should be working on?
Do you know what you should be paying attention to?
What you should be doing for one another on a daily, weekly, monthly basis?
Do you know what the habits are that are going to serve you in the moment and serve you in the long run?
If you don’t, make sure you tune in.
I’m going to post it on Friday.
There are so many gems.
Working next to your spouse at night isn’t a date.
It’s survival.
So stop calling it connection when it’s not.
It’s co-working, for sure.
It’s better than nothing, but it’s not intimacy.
If you want a real relationship, schedule real time together with your spouse.
You want to know what else doesn’t actually count towards time alone together?
Before I leave the office for the day, here’s one more thing.
A lot of married couples are chasing the wrong thing, and it’s making them feel like they have failed.
I don’t want a happy marriage.
I want a real one.
One where we show up even when it’s hard.
Where we don’t fake it, but we face it.
But what if a healthy marriage doesn’t always feel happy?
If that resonates with you, go watch the video that I just posted.
It might—just might—reframe everything for you.
