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June Wisdom For a Stronger Marriage
Silence That’s DEADLY
I had a couple in here last week who said, “We don’t really fight. We just stopped talking for a while.”
I even had someone say, “I don’t remember what we used to talk about for so long all those years ago when we would spend whole days together, weekend trips.”
And I paused and I said, “Do you think that’s better? Do you think the silence is better?”
I’d much rather you be fighting and be loud if that’s what it takes.
But I’m way more concerned for you when it’s been silent for way too long.
Because silence doesn’t mean peace.
It usually means distance.
It means disconnection.
And it means that one of you, or both of you, gave up trying.
Gave up doing the thing.
Initiating conversations.
Going out.
Being kind.
Spending time together in a meaningful way.
It’s a quiet kind of resentment.
And I told them—and now I’m telling you—silence is not the absence of conflict.
Don’t be fooled.
It’s just conflict dressed in quieter, nicer clothes.
So if you’re sitting in that silence thinking that it’s fine—it’s not.
Say something. Anything.
Even if it’s just, “Hey, are we good?” or “I don’t like this.”
You’d be amazed at how fast the tension clears when someone breaks the quiet first.
And guess what?
You can be the one.
You can be the one to do it.
And you don’t have to wait for them to take the first step.
Delete THIS Phrase From Your Vocabulary
I just came back from a walk, but I have to record this real fast before I forget.
More than she will ever know, I care about them so much.
I love them to the moon and back—more than she’ll ever know.
Your wife.
Why do we do that?
Why do we not tell them?
Tell them more often.
Make sure that she knows.
You have a mouth.
You know how to talk.
And you know how to say stuff.
Make sure that she knows.
And if you’re the wife, like me, watching this, make sure that the same thing is true for your husband.
Make sure that he knows.
Make sure that you never again have to say to anybody else or to them, “I love him more than he’ll ever know.”
And make it your job.
It’s so overdue.
Becoming Your Parents Be Like…
Here’s a question for you.
How do you know that you’ve become your parents?
We had a moment, my husband and I, this weekend and realized we’ve arrived.
We found some mangoes in the store that were really delicious, and we brought three home.
Then we devoured them all.
And then both of us look at each other, and I say, “We need to go get more of that and, um, buy a bunch and then cut them up and freeze them for when they don’t have good mangoes in the store.”
And then this is what happened.
We both went separately and bought a bunch of mangoes.
I think that’s like 15, I don’t know.
You know how you know that you’ve won on all the fronts?
They were on sale and 55 cents each.
So why would you not buy a whole bunch?
How do you know that you’ve turned into your parents?
I’m dying to know.
Confession: OLDEST Fight In History
We are exactly eight days away from our 19th wedding anniversary.
Here’s the thing.
We just had one of the oldest fights under the sun that married couples have.
You know the one where you come, you want the emotional support, you want them to hear you out, you want them to get on your side, you want them to understand how upsetting, how frustrating, how saddening, how—fill in the blank—what this is.
And they swoop in, and they’re like bypassing all the emotion, ignoring all the emotion, and they go straight to: How do we fix this?
What’s the thing that we need to do?
How do I need to address this?
Where’s the solution?
I can come up with one.
I’ll come up with five.
That fight.
Nineteen years in.
And in the moment, believe it or not, I didn’t even catch it until he left.
We kind of went our separate ways.
I stayed on the couch in the living room.
And then it hit me.
And I’m like, that’s what that was.
We just did that old fight.
That is exactly what just happened.
And I laughed.
I literally was like, I cannot believe, 19 years in—almost 19 years in.
If you are at, you know, anywhere: 2 years in, 5 years in, 7 years in, 15 years in, 25 years in—please know that this still happens.
And you’re going to catch it.
And you might not be able to laugh about it in the moment, because it’s not funny.
‘Cause all you’re like, “Why can’t you just see my side?
Why is it so hard for you to understand?”
And he’ll be like, “Well, why can’t you just want my solution?
Why don’t you just want to get this figured out so we can move on?”
It’s okay.
And you remember that you’re still just human.
The people that just want what they want and didn’t get what they needed.
I can’t remember the last time that this happened, so it’s been a really long time.
And yet, that doesn’t mean that we won’t slide back into that old pattern.
Or that we won’t slide back into a mistake, even though we know better.
I teach this.
I know better.
And it still happened.
So have some grace.
Have some laughs.
And remember that it happens to the best of us.
It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have married each other—not even a little bit.
Father’s Day Win – Here’s How
Your husband.
The father of your children.
Let me be clear about something.
It’s not your job to throw him a parade for Father’s Day.
I agree.
But it is your opportunity and your job to lead your kids and show them how to show love and appreciation to their dad.
Not because he’s perfect.
But because he shows up.
He’s there.
And because it matters.
Help your kids love and appreciate and honor their dad on Father’s Day.
Show them how it’s done.
Where else are they going to learn if not from you?
STOP Waiting For This
Are you the perfect husband?
The perfect wife?
If you’re waiting to be the perfect spouse before you show up in your marriage, you need to stop.
Marriage thrives on progress, not perfection.
Every small act of kindness counts.
Every hard conversation that ends in grace—that’s growth.
