It’s July, and summer’s flying by.
Am I right?
I want you to do a summer check-in.
Have you paused yet to do one?
Here’s what I want you to ask your spouse.
What have we done together so far that we’ve loved?
What do we still want to do before summer ends that really matters to us?
If this doesn’t happen, I’m going to be really bummed out about it.
What do we need to say no to so that we can say yes to the things that matter to us?
Whether it matters to anybody else, whether anybody else agrees, doesn’t matter.
What do we need to say no to so that we can create space for the things that matter to you?
Be intentional, because otherwise you’re going to blink and summer is going to be over.
And you know that that’s happened in the past.
Make sure that that’s not you.
If all your friends are divorced, listen up.
It’s hard to fight for your marriage alone, with everyone around you saying divorce is normal.
You need friends who also say, “Divorce isn’t an option for us.”
People who remind you that your marriage is worth fighting for.
It might be time to make some new friends.
Seriously, tag your ride-or-die couple friends below.
If nobody’s ever told you this, fake apologies are worthless.
They don’t heal.
Here’s what you need to try instead.
Here’s the formula.
Ready?
“I am sorry for…” and then you fill in, “Here’s what I did.”
“I see that it hurt you because…” — I see the impact.
And then explain that.
Spell out the impact.
And then, “Next time I will plan to…” and then you say what you’re going to do differently.
This is why it’s different.
And this is why this formula actually hits the spot.
It shows accountability.
It shows empathy.
And it shows that you’re going to do something else going forward, based on the information—based on the understanding—that you’ve just gotten from this interaction with your spouse.
Save this for your next repair conversation.
It really works, because believe it or not, none of us are actually after the apology.
Your wife, your husband, isn’t sitting there waiting for you to say the three magical words: “I am sorry.”
They’re a bonus, but they’re not really—that’s not what they’re after.
They’re actually waiting for you to change what you’re doing, based on the conversation and your newly found understanding of how that impacted your spouse.
That’s the difference.
Before the bills.
Before the stress.
Even before the kids.
There was something else.
You’ve got to remember why you started.
You’ve got to remember why you chose each other.
That spark.
That laughter.
That sense of being home.
Go back there, even if it’s just in your memory.
But let that reminder fuel your next step today forward.
They were clearly stuck and in crisis.
But just sort of disconnected.
They didn’t know what to say anymore.
So they booked a session.
One hour.
With one coach.
One session.
One step forward.
They were nervous, no doubt.
But they left that room that day holding hands.
Transformation doesn’t always look like fireworks.
Sometimes it looks like choosing to try.
Doing it again.
And again.
And again.
The best repair technique that I have ever taught a couple wasn’t grand.
It wasn’t complicated.
Not even a little bit.
It was just, “After hearing you out, I see that I hurt you.”
“I see that hurt you—whatever I was doing or whatever I said—and I’m sorry.”
It can break the ice in a month-long cold war, believe it or not.
And the reason that it worked is because repair isn’t about fixing everything.
It’s about acknowledging what went wrong.
So own your part.
Say the hard thing.
Say the “I am sorry.”
Make it be real.
Let that be the bridge that leads you both back to each other.
