But I am just telling them the truth.
Does that sound familiar?
Here’s the thing.
The truth isn’t an excuse for name-calling.
Good communication means separating the action from the person.
I just talked about it with a couple a week ago.
You’re lazy.
You’re crazy.
Or You’re ridiculous.
These shut down communication 100% of the time.
Describe what’s happening without labeling your spouse.
Because if you think that your marriage can handle constant insults because they’re “true,” you’re wrong.
So the question is, do you want to be right or do you want to be married and be close with your spouse?
Answer that, and you’ll have your marching orders.
You’re good at this.
I am better at that.
And maybe you two just defaulted to whatever your family was doing.
And that works until something changes.
Just like you would renegotiate a work contract when your responsibilities change—say, all of a sudden they added another person’s entire workload to yours.
You would have a conversation with your spouse.
No doubt about it.
I cannot imagine that you wouldn’t.
In the same way, you need to renegotiate with your spouse.
Informally as it may be, but intentionally nevertheless.
Are you doing that?
Do you want to know a sneaky way that couples push each other away without them even knowing?
It’s the words that we say to each other on a daily basis.
Here’s what it sounds like.
My house.
My money.
And My time.
You think it’s not a big deal.
It is a big deal.
Language shapes our reality.
And the word my keeps you living single in a married life.
You got to be able to switch it.
Just say our house.
Our money.
Our plans.
And Our kids.
It’s subtle, but it rebuilds the us.
Try that on and see how it changes it.
You think your marriage is too boring to be meaningful?
Think again.
Real love is built in the ordinary.
It’s the morning coffees.
It’s the shared walks around the block.
Or it’s doing dishes side by side.
It’s not glamorous, necessarily, but it’s sacred.
Marriage grows in the quiet, not just in the highlight.
You got to remember that.
Are you and your spouse doing this?
Every time that she asked how he was, he would say the same thing.
I am fine.
Until one night she looked at him and said instead, “Please don’t give me that line. I have a hard time trusting it.”
So he paused and said, “Honestly, I think I’m scared that I’m failing you.”
That moment.
That moment cracked something open.
Because a real transformation doesn’t require perfection.
It just requires the ability and the willingness to be real.
And you too can do the same.
This is your sign to start taking your marriage more seriously.
Not when things fall apart.
Not when your roommate’s ready.
Now.
Put your phone down.
Look them in the eyes.
Ask what they need.
And then listen.
Love is built in the moments you choose to stay.
