This is the way you’ve been doing.
So that’s what’s going to be in the video.
Cuz you have a big birthday tomorrow.
Big 8-0 for my mother-in-law.
What do you think?
Do you think she’s going to like these?
Here’s all the other accessories that we also need to bring tomorrow, including some more flowers.
How do you manage birthdays in your family?
This is your reminder that God still remembers you.
You are not invisible.
In case you needed to hear it, too.
Did you catch it?! It was huge!
It’s killing me.
What would you do?
I got these beauties for my birthday.
Okay, number one.
And I got these beauties.
They came in the mail.
It said, “From someone who loves you.”
I don’t know who it is.
I texted a number of people, and nobody’s claiming it.
Look at how pretty they are.
They came all the way from Ecuador.
I don’t even know how you would, these days, get flowers into this country from Ecuador.
What would you do?
This is all it said: “Happy birthday, someone who loves you.”
I really want to know.
Do you ever wonder why your neighbor gets your wife’s attention more than you do?
Here’s the secret.
He does something that you no longer do.
He notices her.
When she brings over fresh banana bread or cookies that you all made, he says thank you.
When he sees her struggling with a big bag of mulch and dragging it from one end of the driveway to the other, he offers to help.
And then he delivers said help.
He smiles back when she waves.
And she does that a lot because that’s what she was taught to do.
He asks her a question, and he actually listens to the answer.
I’m not here to talk about stealing anybody else’s wife, but I am here to talk about this.
It’s about paying attention to the woman that you already have.
If you want your marriage to be better, start seeing your wife again.
Your neighbor’s secret?
It’s just being kind, being present, and being actually interested.
Try that on.
Let me know how it goes.
The only reason you’re having the same fight over and over, on repeat for what seems like 20 years—and for some of you, that’s actually what it is—is that you’re missing something in the process.
There’s something that one of you is not hearing.
There’s something that hasn’t been communicated.
Or there’s some part of the conversation that is still an issue.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t be having that fight again.
So, the part of you that says we shouldn’t have to be talking about this anymore.
The part of you that says, “We’ve had a version of this conversation 50 times, 150 times.”
I want you to remind yourselves that you might still be missing a piece of it.
And just be open to finding out what it is.
If your spouse is pulling you over for the 20th time, that’s what it comes down to.
The only way to stop having those same fights is to figure out what that is.
Is to figure out what stands in the middle.
What stands in y’all’s way to getting to the place where this will never need to be discussed again—
Other than: “I’m glad that we had this conversation.”
“And I’m glad what I learned.”
“And I’m grateful that we now are on the same page about this topic or about this issue.”
I’ll admit it was better.
You know how you know that you’ve been married a long time to your spouse?
When your spouse makes the food that you taught them how to make, and they do an almost better job than when you did.
And I said almost.
Look at this.
I didn’t even ask for this, but he made this sauerkraut soup that we make back home.
He didn’t even ask me one single question.
He made it.
It was delicious.
And of course, you can’t forget the fresh bread.
Your turn.
How do you know that you’ve been married a long time?
What are you doing that you would have, 20 years ago, said, “There’s no way on earth I’m ever doing that”?
Or how would your spouse say, “I can’t see that happening,” and now it’s happening?
All right, I’ll give it to—
