Here’s your marriage truth bomb for today.
The one who listens, understands.
Are you good at understanding?
Are you good at listening?
No.
Do you need to get better at listening?
Ask your spouse.
The one who listens, understands.
Let that sink in.
The mistake that we often make is that we expect our spouse to take care of the peace, right?
For them to do that for us on our behalf.
And the reality is, it’s not their job.
It’s not for them to do.
It’s not for your bestie to do.
And it’s not even for your mom to do, or for your dad.
It’s something that we have to do for ourselves.
You and me — we have to do that for ourselves, regardless of the fact that we’re married and that our spouse does do a lot of other stuff.
But I can’t outsource my own peace to them.
I do have a longer video that talks about that in more detail.
If you would like to know more, click on the related video link, and I’ll see you there.
When you say, “We can’t afford to get help,” I want you to ask yourselves, “Can you afford not to?”
You’ve become a regular at their liquor store, and the bartender knows you by name and your order before you even say it.
Those “little” purchases — they add up.
Ben and Jerry’s.
The Target runs for “just one thing” that turn into a cart full of comfort purchases.
And you know that they’re comfort purchases because nobody else buys them any other time, for any other reason.
The Amazon packages that arrive when you’re trying to feel a little better after yet another argument.
All those “just to feel a little better” buys also add up.
And you know what the tragedy is?
They’re a band-aid on a wound that needs stitches.
Because in the end, with your spouse, and really with any other human being that you want to have a meaningful relationship with, you want to be seen.
You want to be understood.
And you want to be loved despite.
You want to be heard.
And this is how that happens.
Being able to understand, being able to truly know that the other side is listening, that they’re looking to acknowledge what our experience has been, right?
That they’re wanting to know us better.
And that sometimes means that you might have to open your eyes, open your ears, and actually close your mouth, right?
Like, I’m not going to say anything. I’m just here to hear you out.
Me hearing you out, being able to acknowledge your experience, doesn’t mean that I agree with it.
Doesn’t mean that I would have experienced it the exact same way had I been in your place.
It just means that I’m hearing you.
I just got home.
My husband came back from a fancy dinner that they had with their work.
And guess what?
He brought me my favorite dessert — key lime pie.
I know.
I already ate some of it.
How nice is that, right?
What’s the last nice thing that your husband or your wife did for you?
Let me know in the comments.
