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What are the 5 Love Languages -Part I

Love LanguagesEvery so often, whether it’s in my marriage seminars, or in session right here in my office, I run into people that give me a puzzled look when I say something about the 5 Love Languages.

Sometimes I even stumble upon it during an ordinary conversation with a friend.

So, I decided today that I would put together a tip sheet for any of you that have (or will now have) asked yourselves that exact same question.

Here they are — in no particular order.


Love Languages –  No. 1: Gifts


Though quite self-explanatory, some of us (and yes, you did read that right J) hear the other person saying I love you when the perfect gift shows up at the door.

Better yet, when it shows up out of nowhere, completely catching you by surprise.

It’s the ways that our spouse notices the things we mention and makes a mental note so as not to forget when the time comes and they are in need of a gift idea.

That same is true for other family members or your friends.

Maybe it’s for a birthday.

Maybe it’s at Christmas.

And maybe it’s just a plain day in the middle of a random week when it seems like the other person could use a pick-me-up of sorts.

Or it’s just an ordinary day when none of those things above happen to be true.

Either way, I believe that most people who belong in this category would agree that one doesn’t need to spend tons of money on gifts for them to hit the spot.

Rather, when it comes to gifts, it is the grandiosity of the gesture, the thoughtfulness and the attention to detail that make all the difference.

It’s the – I was on my way home from work – and I drove by this place that I KNOW you LOVE – I had to park the car quick and get something for you.

It’s the – I found your favorite set of pens (on sale) on amazon and had them sent to your place of work.

It’s the – Something someone said at work made me think of you and this is why – bouquet of flowers.

Or a new pair of mittens because you know they lost one of their favorite ones.

The more you know your partner, the more this should be a no-brainer. If it’s not – or if you just met – ask them about it.


gifts love languagesAsk them if they care about gifts.

And what would make an ideal gift in their opinion.

You may be surprised – and you may not.

Either way, once you know what it is, it will be all the more easy to act on it. And find just the right thing.


Love Languages – No. 2 : Words of Affirmation


While all of these love languages are communicating the same message of I love you, people whose love language are the words of affirmation would say that nothing tells them better that you love them than the words themselves (and the meaning behind it, of course.)

You can add your own spin on them, you can flower them up as you like – or better yet – as you know your partner likes it.

But the bottom line – your spouse likes for you to actually have the words come out of your mouth.

So they don’t have to read between the lines.

Have you heard that story of the old Scandinavian man, who after much complaint, finally turned and said to his wife – “I  had told you I loved you on our wedding day and I would let you know if anything changes”?

Have you heard that one?

Yeah, well, if your love language is words of affirmation, that  – right there – ain’t gonna cut it.


Outside of whispering the three magic words, it would also be safe to say that when you have an individual that falls into this category, they appreciate praise.

Or any sort of kind word.

Or gratitude and appreciation.

Encouragement even.

I myself might know one or two closely.

In that case, you might want to take the time and notice the things they are doing.

You may also find it informative to pay attention to the things that they are saying to you – AND –  use those as prime examples of what to say back to them.

Learn to use their own “weapon” for your advantage.

It will be like magic.



Now, if you would like to know what the next three are – AKA – For Part II of this series, click HERE. The last piece that takes us to why we should care about any of this – AKA – Part III, click HERE.