We are continuing our conversation about what love languages are and why it matters. If you would like to see the first part of this, click here. This is the second of three parts, the last may be found here.]
For people whose love language this is, the meaning of love comes out of the things a person does. It’s as simple as that.
Lately, in our household, the line ‘that is my love language right there’ for my husband has included my putting away the girls’ clothes in the drawers, nicely paired up in outfits so as to make them ready for the morning, easily accessible.
No thinking necessary.
No time wasted.
This one goes back to the saying you have no doubt heard at some point in your life: Actions speak louder than words. You can tell the person you love them a 100x a day but it really isn’t saying anything.
The words, to them, are empty.
Hollow, if you will.
Or – if they are not completely empty, they are not actually charged with love unless paired up with meaningful ‘content’. And that ‘content’ is action-related.
If this is your spouse, try it out. If you don’t know what to do – what they would like for you to help with, it’s really easy.
I assure you they will have an idea or two right off the top of their head – that is – if you don’t already see an ongoing list pinned to the refrigerator with your name on it.
When most people hear physical touch, they think sex. Or intimacy in the bedroom. Or whatever you call the activities that happen behind closed doors.
While sexual intercourse is definitely part of physical touch, it is most definitely not ALL of it when it comes to our present discussion of love languages.
It’s the hugs.
It’s the kisses.
It’s the embraces on the couch that have absolutely nothing to do with foreplay.
It’s the playing with your feet while you are filling each other in on how the day went.
It’s the walking arm-in-arm when you are on a stroll downtown.
It’s the gently touching your side while moving you over so the other person can get into a drawer you might be blocking, instead of saying out loud: can you move?
It’s the gentle poke in the side as you pass them at a party, trying to not disturb the conversation.
It’s the pats or rubs on the back – whether in private or in public – that simply say: Hey, I am still here. And I care and love you deeply.
If you know that physical touch is the way to speak love to your other half, it’s the physical proximity that matters. It’s the energy that is created when your skin touches theirs. That’s what speaks volumes.
And when done right, you are guaranteed to see happy dances happening with greater frequency.
If quality time is your spouse’s pick, then listen here.
What you need to do is show up, be there and be present – with all your heart, mind, body and soul. You may need to plan a getaway too. Make it a surprise one – if they like surprises, that is.
Make it a walk or a coffee break.
Make it a conversation on the heated kitchen floor with hot chocolate in your hands. And pop-corn. (or skip the pop-corn :-))
Let it be a phone call in the middle of the day where you reserve the conference room so that you will not be interrupted. Give your partner your undivided attention. Make certain they know that they are more important to you than the text message that just came through, the like you just received or the TV show that’s on.
Whatever option it is you decide to choose, be sure to make it a regular occurrence. And I am not saying – once a year – though you may argue that’s also regular occurrence.
For your spouse to have abundance of love in her/his love reservoir, quality time – much like dates – cannot happen just three times a year – Your two birthdays and an anniversary.
There needs to be more.
I have no doubt that you can make it happen and you will see the difference when you do.