Remember how I talked about the hidden camera in my office? (And no, I still don’t have one.)
You might not – it’s been a while.
But I discussed something where it felt like ALL my couples were dealing with ONE THING that week.
Almost as if they were passing notes in the waiting room.
At that time, it was driving.
Today, it’s the mess that weekends have become.
How it happens (that it all comes out at the same time) is beyond me.
The fact that it’s a thing – and clearly it’s a thing all over the place – tells me that you might need to hear this too.
Take a moment – you, alone – to think about your weekend first.
And if you are already pushing back by saying – I don’t have any plans.
I don’t have any expectations.
Let me tell you something.
You do.
You just might not know what they are consciously.
But you want to do something – Even if that something is sleeping till noon on Saturday and Sunday and not do anything the rest of the day, but play.
With your dogs, with your friends, with your spouse.
Or you do want to mow.
Clean the kitchen.
Or do a load of laundry because you ran out of time on Thursday after having dinner with your family.
Think about that first.
Jot a few things down, if you must.
But do this first – ideally both of you would do this before you come to the table to talk through it together.
If you’ve never done this together – here’s how you can start.
“Hey – you know how the last few weekends have kind of turned into a mess of a situation?
I would love to figure out a better way to do them.
Here’s a post I read (you can send them here to read it for themselves) OR
I would like to compare some notes with you on Thursday night – Could you think about what you’d like to happen this weekend?
What are your hopes and dreams for this weekend?
I would love to hear them.
Does Thursday evening after dinner work?”
So you got both of you on the same page.
You each thought about what that is – it does NOT need to take four or five hours by ANY means.
But you have those notes (or ideas in your head).
Then Thursday comes around.
You talk.
Share all those things on your personal agenda.
Here’s this thing for me, what are they for you?
You can take turns, going down your list- OR one of you shares all their things, and then the other one does the same thing.
The question of the day is going to be this:
Can we make all of that happen?
How can we do that together?
So – say, for example – one of you says:
The other one of you says:
First, you decide what the priorities are.
On your own list, for yourselves.
What of these things is most important to me?
What of this can I do?
When can I do it?
How do we allow for the priorities to fit in to the schedule so that you can feel both productive and rested?
Or – just productive. Or, rested.
And then you chunk it out.
Together.
You write out the days: Friday night; Saturday AM, Saturday PM, Saturday night; Sunday AM, Sunday PM, Sunday night.
And you fill the priorities in first.
Always do that first.
If that’s the sleeping in till 10am, that’s what it is.
No judgment.
If it’s getting a workout in or a run before anyone else is awake or spending the morning sitting on the couch, reading a book, that’s what it is.
Again, no judgment.
Doing the best you can estimating how long each thing will take.
And then – guess what?
You execute it together.
That’s it.
Most often, the problem arises with couples when they don’t ever compare notes on this.
When they don’t talk through it.
Now that you know, you got that taken care of.
Now, go put it to work.
Have fun.
PS: If you want to read that article about driving – here it is 🙂
