Sometimes, it’s hard to believe this stuff happens.
I was doing the thing I always do – Drinking tea.
Simple enough, right?
As I’m about to put a fresh tea bag in, I realize I am not quite done so I lift the mug up to my face, and spill a bunch on my shirt.
In disbelief, I laugh a little.
Not the first time that I’m doing this.
I mean, really – You could call me a tea machine.
Yet, there I was, with the drip spots proving that it actually happened.
We could go into speculating all the hows — how I miscalculated the amount that was left and expected less to come out, thinking it was no more than a small sip — but that’s not the point.
In the end, I am an adult, standing in our kitchen, with tea stains on my top.
Now, the same thing could happen to another person who – truly – has never had tea before.
You may even know someone like this.
Someone who maybe drinks coffee – you don’t need to know half of this stuff with coffee.
So this was the first time they had tea.
They don’t know how to brew it.
How long it takes.
What kind of mug is better (I prefer my Gillette specialty mug that keeps it hot longer -compliments of the hubby two jobs ago)
When to take the tea bag out and how to retrieve it.
In that case, we wouldn’t think anything of it.
We would just say to ourselves- oh, they don’t know you are supposed to take the tea bag out so it doesn’t smack you in the face – so they spilled a little.
If you drink out of a thermos, it will really up the ante on the temps so know to be careful so you don’t burn yourself.
We would just think – they don’t have it down yet.
Because this is their first attempt at it.
So, they spilled on themselves.
No big deal, right?
Now – I didn’t have a momentary lapse of memory.
I got the whole tea-making thing down pretty well.
I know the rules – it just so happened that I misjudged it this one time.
And spilled the tea as a result.
I was in a hurry, too.
That never seems to help.
Here’s what we know – I don’t need to watch a Youtube video or take a class – I didnt’ FORGET how to do it, or lose sight of the process once learned.
I am able to make three more cups of tea today and not have that happen to me.
In fact, I don’t remember when the last time was that it happened.
It’s a skill I acquired a long, long time ago.
Like biking.
As I am walking myself through the somewhat peculiar aftermath of the situation in our kitchen, I realized — that’s it.
It’s a skill.
Just like knowing how to talk to your spouse.
And applies to you and your spouse in your marriage just like it applies to mine.
Some of the fights, some of the misunderstandings – they happen not because you forgot all the things that you have learned in the past.
You didn’t suddenly unlearn all of it.
They simply happen because you might have had a stressful day.
Or a moment of misjudgment.
Might have been running late.
You might have a momentary lapse of memory in terms of which step is next in the process and you messed up.
Maybe you didn’t get any sleep for a week because everyone in the family took a hit with whatever’s going around.
That’s all.
You don’t have to go back to first grade in ‘Communication school’ and start, literally, from scratch.
You’ll be able to slide right back into it the next time you two talk.
You recognize it for what it is and you move on.
(After you figure out what went wrong, who needs to own what, of course.)
But then there’s the other group.
It’s you who – like the people who never did try tea before in their life, not even once – might need to learn how to talk to your spouse.
Take it from the beginning.
Start from scratch.
Learn all the things.
Getting to the conversation-making-mastery place.
Not because you forgot, not because you weren’t in class the day they taught that –
But because you never signed up for that class altogether.
That kind of class wasn’t available at the school you went to.
Who knows, maybe you were even homeschooled. 🙂
If this is you – if you are feeling completely out of your element, it’s alright.
You just don’t have the skills yet.
Notice I said yet.
You haven’t learned what the difference is between talking about all the things AND the benefit of talking about just one.
You haven’t learned how to approach the bench – I mean – your spouse, when to do it and what to say.
How to go about it really – in any way.
You might be interested in joining us for the “How to Talk To Your Spouse 101” program.
Here’s some of the things that will happen as a result:
You two will have better conversations.
There’ll be less of those fights you hate so much.
And all those fights – they will happen less frequently.
Even when they do happen from time to time- you’ll be able to recover much quicker than before; no longer ignoring each other for days on end, walking on eggshells without any relief in sight.
What would that mean for you?
How would that change your life?
Your kids’ lives?
You two, knowing how to find one another, start a conversation, go through it, and end it — together — and not ruin the day, the week. Or the month.
That is just some of the things that will happen when you do the program with me.
Sign up at your own risk.
We’re starting on February 15th.
Stay tuned.
If you’d like to get your hands on all the details, fill out this form and we’ll get it to you.
