Even when, or ESPECIALLY when…
Your husband, your wife approaches you with a request, you have GOT to remember this one thing.
That’s ALL that it is.
A request.
YOU (and I) get to decide what to do with it.
And this isn’t me saying – don’t listen to your spouse.
Don’t take in what they are asking for.
Don’t consider giving what they want.
That’s not it at all.
What I AM saying – If you are the person hearing the ‘ask’ – you have the freedom to decide whether you are willing to give.
So they can come to you with five hundred requests every single day (that is a made-up unrealistic number – I have never run into this, for real – that’s not typically what happens that a spouse would LITERALLY ask 500 things of their better half )
-BUT this IS what prompted me to write about this.
The thought error someone presented that now their spouse will just have and come with all those 500 asks to them, all the time, and that’s not what they want.
Meaning – what kind of a life is that?
So, NO need to freak out (there is no 500)– BUT what if they would LITERALLY do that every 5 minutes of every day. (They won’t)
But the point is – EVEN IF THEY DID – You get to decide.
From a place of freedom – You get to decide how MUCH you are willing to give.
How OFTEN you are willing to give it.
IF you are willing and able to give it at all.
And, of COURSE – give and be as generous as you can be – but just because they are asking – know that doesn’t mean that we HAVE to give.
So don’t start the exchange – don’t start the interaction – worrying about and freaking out (silently or out loud) about this becoming the new normal – I can’t deal with this many requests in a day/week/hour.
NOW – on the other side –
If you are the person in the asking position, sitting in the asking chair 😊 – if you are the person sharing the request – remember this:
I STILL cannot – nor have I ever been able to (nor has anyone else) – make this person DO anything.
True, I get to ask, yes.
I get to request a thing – or two, or five.
But I – once I hand over the request, so to speak – let it go.
I need to do that.
It’s THEIR turn.
The ball is in their court, so to speak.
I did my part, and that’s all I get to do.
So I wait for the response.
I accept the response – understanding that the person I spoke with, this person I married, is – most often – genuinely and truly interested in making things work between us.
They want to be generous.
Really, they want to give and reply with Goodness – as much goodness as they are able to muster.
They want US to be good.
I assume positive intent.
That way, in the end, you both walk away knowing that you showed up in the right way, doing everything you could on your end.
That you showed up caring, interested and truly willing to make things work.
And THAT – even outside of what the thing is you’re getting in response to your request – is a gift.
If you’d like help with making requests in your marriage – either because you forgot how to do it OR nobody’s ever taught you –
OR you’d like help being the one that requests are being requested of without freaking out ahead of time, ruining the entire interaction before it really even starts – I’d love to help you out with that.
Schedule an Initial Phone Consultation here to begin the process and we’ll go from there.
