Resentment—it’s a thing, even in marriage.
Can you fix it?
Can you get rid of it?
That’s the million-dollar question.
And my answer is, absolutely.
You need three things, though.
You’ve got to figure out what it is that you’re resentful about.
Specifically, what is it that you’re resentful about that you’re holding on to?
Second, you need to figure out how to tell your spouse about it.
And find out what it is that you want from them in return, right, for the repair to happen.
And then thirdly, you have to be willing.
You have to be open to taking whatever they have to offer in return to your sharing about your pain or that pain point, that situation.
And you have to be willing to accept it.
You have to be willing to say, “I’m willing to put this away.”
Here’s a less common marriage tip for your weekend.
If you find yourself with a headache that’s been pounding all day with no break, regardless of how many painkillers you’ve already inhaled.
If your kids need you because they are having a meltdown or they’re sick.
Also, if you’re grieving the loss of someone you held dear and can’t stop crying over.
If your body aches as you recover after surgery.
If you’re feeling the pain of a fight with someone you deeply care about and the words you said are echoing in your mind without stopping.
More so, even if all of these things are happening at the very same time.
Take the time and take care.
Your marriage, your family, your spouse will be grateful.
Truly.
Here’s a truth bomb with a twist for your marriage today.
The rate of your success in marriage is not measured by your spouse doing less of what you are reacting to.
Right?
It’s not them eliminating the less-than-great response in advance, even if that’s something that you’ve asked them to do.
That is them winning.
That is them succeeding.
The rate of your own success in your marriage depends on your own ability to react differently to what your spouse does—or fails to do.
Let that sink in.
And listen to it again if this was a lot.
The moment that you two get married, your money and your spouse’s money, it all goes into one pot.
One account.
It’s all like your money, right?
One part—all of it, our money.
I’ve talked about my this, my that, before.
The moment that you get married, it becomes our this, our that, right?
Our money, our home, even our children, our debt, our spending—all of it.
The number of times that I still have to remind my couples of this, it kind of blows my mind.
You two need to decide together on the money that you spend, the money that you save, whatever money that you decide to give, you know, where you’re going to invest and how and when—all of it.
You two, together, one unit, like one pot of gold.
And if you’re still not doing this, I want you to think about what that communicates to your spouse.
I bet you think you’re really good at this.
But my question is, how good are you really?
When your spouse approaches you and says, “Hey, you hurt me this way or the other way,” or “When you said this or the other thing, this is how that landed for me,”
How good are you at actually listening?
And actually stepping into it, taking seriously what your spouse is saying?
Owning your part?
Like, taking real responsibility for the thing that came out of your mouth, for the thing that you did or didn’t do, for the thing that you forgot about.
How good are you at that?
And the thing is that your ability to do that, there’s a direct correlation to how fast, how directly, how cleanly you’ll be able to deal with conflict in your marriage.
So, ask yourself that question again.
