Who gets to decide the rules in your marriage?
In your family?
How do you two make sure that you two are well on your way to nail the holidays and have them be fabulous.
You can have 10 people line up and offer you ideas – and they will, trust you me –
But guess what?
One by one, you two get to go down that list and decide together.
Yay or nay.
Nobody else gets that privilege in your marriage.
It’s up to you two.
So if you two decide that for a time dinner is going to be the same thing on repeat while you’re recovering from surgery, that’s totally fine.
And you don’t need to have had surgery for that to happen – and you can still do that.
If you decide that you are skipping Christmas cards this year for the first time – or for the tenth in a row – that’s also okay.
If you decide that what your family needs the most right now – while everyone’s been sick on and off for weeks now – is to say no to all the events and the invites hat are coming your way, that, too –
You two get to decide.
If you two decide that in the crazy of the coming weeks, you are going to make three meals a week and eat leftovers the rest of the days – that’s what we do – You two get to decide.
You get to create your rule book about what’s happening or not happening in your marriage – in Your family life around the holidays.
As we are all walking ourselves into December, keep that in mind.
As you go into this holiday season –
Please know:
There is no holiday manual that you need to follow the rules of.
There is no such thing as Christmas police.
You don’t have to stress out about it just because someone else is losing their mind and seems to be wanting to rub it off all over you.
You can still keep your calm, scratch 95% of the things on your list OFF your list IF that’s what you decide you want to do.
First and foremost, it needs to work for YOU and your nuclear family.
So that.
Do those things.
And don’t do the rest.
That’s how you nail the holidays with your spouse this year, next year, every year.
One other obvious – NOT SO obvious time – to start a conversation with your spouse:
I don’t know when we started thinking that this would be a phenomenal idea but we do it nevertheless.
When you’ve had a drink or two, or five and you’re WAY past the ability to have a conversation.
You have no business – neither one of you – Not one of you, not both of you together –
To start a serious conversation about anything.
We all know that when we are under the influence of ANY kind –
We’re not able to show up.
We are not able to watch our words.
We’re not able to watch our emotions.
We are not able to be careful with what we deliver, how we deliver, what we say, why we say it –
None of that is available to us.
So make an agreement with one another and stop having these conversations intoxicated.
Just don’t do it.
You future depends on it.
Your future marriage will thank you.
Your spouse – whether they know about it or not – whether they know that you’ve committed to this – will thank you.
