Check out these three relationship tips I share with my married couples.
Especially if you and your spouse are trying to work on, or even more importantly, save your marriage.
If you are looking for a daily dose of goodness and ‘food’ for that marriage of yours –
This is for you.
Do you and your spouse have a laundry list of things?
No couple, not ONE, in the history of my private practice 12 years, going on 13, has walked in my office holding this laundry list of things they’ve tried.
Gone to counseling.
Each of us got a coach.
Did some serious reading online.
Read 10 books and applied all the things to our marriage.
Did a class on communication with a communication expert.
Watched all the Ted Talks available to man.
Did that together and analyzed them to see what applies to us and how to improve.
Went to a marriage weekend retreat once every year since the day we got married.
Talked to a trusted person in our life about our struggles and got all these amazing tools.
Did an online class on how to love each other better that was amazing.
NOT ONE couple has ever said this – –
So I ask:
Where you are right now, does this ring true for you?
What are you doing?
Picture This:
You walk through the door.
You’ve had a long day, you’ve had clients until late.
Your kid comes and says:
“I need to talk to you about something.
Can we go sit on the couch and snuggle?”
Tell me the world in which you’re gonna say to that child of yours:
Ahh, but I’m so tired.
I don’t have it in me.
Tell me the world in which that is not going to become a priority for you.
Most of us are going to sit down on that couch and snuggle and listen to their day because we love them, we care.
We don’t wan them to be thinking:
This is what it looks like for you to go unseen.
The problem is – We don’t do that to our spouses.
We find another excuse – something else that’s getting in the way of my ability, or my willingness, or my readiness to show up and do that for my husband.
What would happen if that’s the exact same way that we showed up for them?
Where I would just ‘forget my feelings’.
And not allow the: I don’t feel like doing that.
I don’t feel like showing up for you in that way.
And I would do it anyway.
Go out there, try it out for a week and let me know how it goes.
Here’s another time that’s a terrible time to start a serious conversation with your spouse.
Obvious – but not quite obvious enough – because you all keep doing that, too.
As you’re walking out the door.
We see the other person having their coat on, their shoes on, or they are putting their shoes on – getting their boots on, getting ready for the dead of winter, literally.
And you think to yourself – That’s the time to start a conversation.
In the entry way – right at the door.
Or – you walk them out, so to speak, as they’re on their way out.
They’re trying to get out the door.
They’re running late already or whatever.
That is also NOT the time.
Find just about any OTHER time.
This time is not the right time.
And if you don’t believe me on this one – Ask your wife. Ask your husband.
“Do you love when I start conversations at THIS time during your day?”
They’re gonna tell you.
And they’re gonna confirm what I’m saying.
So – You do what you need to do with that information.
