Have you ever said in your marriage, “But I’m not doing anything wrong”?
Here’s the thing.
It’s not about wrong or right, per se.
You can work out.
You can see your friends.
And you can even call your mom.
But if your spouse feels hurt for some reason or feels disconnected as a result, ignoring that isn’t going to be helpful.
So, here’s what I would suggest.
Ask them, “What am I missing here? And how can I help you feel better?”
That is how you move closer together.
Do you two need something fun and light to do this week?
I want you to go grab some coffee together and create a summer bucket list with, I don’t know, two, five things—fun things that you would want to do before fall hits.
Post it on the fridge so that you can see it often.
And then schedule it.
Find an actual time.
Put it in an actual time slot on your calendar.
This isn’t about adding more pressure to your life with all the things that are already happening in the summer months.
It’s about intentionally making these memories together that just matter to the two of you before summer slips completely away.
Don’t wait another week or two because you won’t even realize it, and we’re going to be in September or October like that.
Do you want a stronger marriage?
Do this.
Share one thing in the morning that you’re grateful for, that you appreciate about your spouse.
Tell it to them.
Say it out loud.
It can be something you do while you’re making coffee or you’re getting dressed.
Not only does it set a positive tone for the day, it also lets each one of you know that you’re seen by your spouse and appreciated for your contribution before the day even begins.
Yes.
If it feels like you’re on opposite sides with your spouse, this is your reminder.
Marriage is a team sport.
You’re not enemies.
You’re teammates.
It’s not you versus them.
It’s the two of you versus the problem, or the two of you versus them.
Shift that posture.
Fight for the we.
Together.
And that’s the only way.
Together, you’re going to be stronger.
Hands down.
Is this the reality in your marriage?
She used to roll her eyes.
He would get sarcastic.
They were both stuck in criticism on both of their sides.
But they made the choice to ask, “What’s really behind that reaction?”
And that one question changed the tone in their home.
Compassion replaced control.
Curiosity replaced contempt.
That’s what transformation looks like.
You can move from criticism to compassion.
This one sentence fixed what was broken.
This is what it said.
I miss being your safe place.
It wasn’t blaming.
It wasn’t pointing fingers.
And it was vulnerable.
And that’s what made all the difference.
Sometimes it’s not the loudest voice that brings forth the change.
Sometimes it’s the truest.
