Language Matters. [And I’m not just saying that just because I was a linguist in my previous life = always a linguist at heart. We are talking about a sneaky little shift, afterall.] HOW you say things to one another in your marriage matters. “That’s obvious, Danka, what’s new?” Hang tight. This one though […]
November’s Best Marriage Advice – No. 1 You know why your spouse cringes every time the words “constructive criticism” comes out of your mouth? Because. Those two words don’t belong in your marriage. Keep them where they belong: A job interview A performance review. Your employee handbook even. Or whatever else. Most […]
Generosity breeds generosity You know what’s really hard to do? To offer someone the coat off your back when you’re standing there in your undergarments. Your spouse or anyone else, really. When you’re cold – freezing even, handing that warm piece of clothing is impossible. Or close to it. And you don’t […]
Today is the second of November. As we enter this ever-so-overly-scheduled season of the year, here’s my question for you: Do you dare make a change this year? What do you mean, Danka? This: What are you two going to say “NO” to? On purpose. Thoughtfully. And holding each other to it. You do […]
Before you can have a great conversation with your spouse, you need to know what KIND of a conversation it is. That’s the start. Is it logistics? Are we making plans for a vacation? Are we talking about our kids’ behavior and our parenting roles in that (or lack of alignment with it)? […]
My husband Jon and I – we didn’t explicitly have an agreement about this. Or a huge discussion on the topic that I can remember. One that led to us signing a document of some sort at the end of that meeting. But – Without needing to say it out loud, it was […]
How long does it take? How long does it take for my marriage to get to that place that you talk about – the place where you create the relationship with your spouse that you no longer want to leave – not now, not later – not ever? I get asked that question more […]
Did you know? It matters who you hang out with. And not just in a professional sense, though also true – How does the saying go? “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” You know that one. It matters on a personal level also. For you […]
We rarely talk about this. But it needs to be talked about. Because, in your marriage as much as anywhere else in your life, your capacity to suck is what propels you forward (Or keeps you stuck in one place.) How do you mean? Great question – I would love to tell you. […]
What I hear – Both Stubborn – Your Story So, you tell me that you are both stubborn. It usually comes up right after you say that you are SO very different. (No need to go back to that – I already wrote about that here.) The very first time we talk on the […]
